My friend Barry drew me. But Iโ€˜m not insulted because..

I Drew Barrymore

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/-starwing-
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 86
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mcab00
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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Guy walks into a bar with his dog and the bartender says โ€œIโ€™m sorry sir, we donโ€™t allow dogs in here.โ€ Guy says โ€œThis is no ordinary dog. This dog can speak.โ€

Bartender says โ€œSure... If you say so. Now please leave.โ€

Guy says, โ€œNo really I can prove it.โ€ *turns to dog * โ€œDog, what is on top this building?โ€ Dog goes โ€œRoof.โ€

Bartender says โ€œVery clever. Now Iโ€™ll ask you again: will you please leave?โ€

Guy goes โ€œNo no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?โ€ Dog goes โ€œRuff.โ€

Bartender says โ€œThis is the last time Iโ€™m going to tell you!โ€

Guy says โ€œWait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?โ€ Dog replies โ€œRuthโ€

Bartender: โ€œGet out! Iโ€™m calling the authorities!โ€

Guy and dog leave.

Outside dog turns to guy and says โ€œJeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 88
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/schneckesweets
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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