Bani Hashim Puns

From him (Ali bin al-Abbas), from Ali Bin Al-Husayn, from Ali Bin Abu hamza, from Abu Baseer, who has narrated the following:

*Abu Abdullah (Imam Jafar as-Sadiq asws) regarding the Statement of Allah (azwj) Mighty and Majestic: “[58:7] Nowhere is there a secret counsel between three persons but He is the fourth of them, nor (between) five but He is the sixth of them, nor less than that nor more but He is with them wheresoever they are; then He will inform them of what they did on the day of resurrection: surely Allah is Cognizant of all things”. He (asws) said; ‘This was Revealed regarding so and so and so and so (Abu Bakr and Umar), and Abu Ubeyda Ibn Al-Jarrah, and Abdul Rahman Ibn Awf, and Saalim Mawla Abu Huzeyfa, and Al-Mugheira Bin Sho’ba, when they wrote the agreement in between them and took a pledge and agreed that if Muhammad (saww) were to pass away, they would not let the Caliphate to be in the Clan of Hashim, nor the Prophet-hood ever. So Allah (azwj) Mighty and Majestic Revealed this Verse with regards to them. I said, ‘The Statement of the Mighty and Majestic: “[43:79] Or have they settled an affair? Then surely, We are the settlers. [43:80] Or do they think that We do not hear what they conceal and their secret discourses? Indeed (We do), and Our messengers are by them, to record”. He (asws) said: ‘And these two Verse were Revealed regarding them on that day’. Abu Abdullah (asws) said: ‘Hopefully you will see that is was a day resembling the day of the writing of the agreement except for the day Al-Husayn (asws) was martyred, and thus it had preceded in the Knowledge of Allah (azwj) Mighty and Majestic which He (azwj) Made known to the Rasool Allah (saww) that when the agreement is written down, Al-Husayn (asws) would be martyred, and the kingdom would exit from the Clan of Hashim. So all of that did take place. I said, ‘The Verse: “[49:9] And if two parties of the believers quarrel, make peace between them; but if one of them acts wrongfully towards the other, fight that which acts wrongfully until it returns to Allah’s command; then if it returns, make peace between them with justice and act equitably; surely Allah loves those who act equitably”. He (asws) said: ‘The two groups, but rather its explanation came on the day of Al-Basra (The battle of the Camel), and they are the ones belonging to this Verse, and they are the ones who rebelled against Amir-ul-Momineen (asws). So it was obligatory upon him (asws) to fight them, and h

> [4/264] Rijal al-Kashshi: Muhammad b. Masud from al-Fadhl from Ibn Abi Umayr from Ibrahim b. Abd al-Hamid from Ismail b. Jabir who said: > > Abu Ishaq [al-Sadiq] عليه السلام arrived from Makkah and the killing of Mualla b. Khunays was mentioned to him. He [Ismail] said: So he stood up in anger – dragging his garment [on the ground i.e. moving in a hurry]. Ismail – his son – said to him: O father – where are you going? He said: even if it were a calamity [that be in front of me] – I would still head out towards it! so he went until he entered upon Dawud b. Ali [i.e. the Abbasid governor of Madina]. He [the Imam] said to him: O Dawud – you have committed a sin for which Allah will never forgive you! He [Dawud] said: and what is that sin? He said: you have killed a man from the people of Jannah – then he paused for a bit – then he added: if Allah wills. Dawud said to him: and you have also committed a sin for which Allah will never forgive you! He [the Imam] said: and what is that sin? He [Dawud] said: you married off your daughter to so and so – the Ummayad. He [the Imam] said: if I have married her off to so and so – the Umayyad – then the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم had given in marriage to Uthman, and I have in the Messenger of Allah an example [to follow]. He [Dawud] said: it is not me who killed him. He [the Imam] said: then who killed him? He [Dawud] said: al-Sayrafi killed him. He [the Imam] said: then retaliate on our behalf over him. So when it was the morrow – he [Dawud] came to him [al-Sayrafi] first thing in the morning – took him and had him killed. He [al-Sayrafi] began to cry out [before his execution]: O slaves of Allah! they order me to kill people for them and then they kill me! > > Grading:  > > Shaykh Asif al-Mohseni: (renowned) معتبر - Muʿjam al-Aḥādīth al-Muʿtabara

https://thaqalayn.net/hadith/9/3/105/4

Recently, We see a lot of Muslim and Pseudo-Liberals, almost all of them, who claim there is no "superior race" in Islam and everyone is seen the same ?

But is it really tho ? We take a look

Muhammad himself said,

>Wathila b. al-Asqa' reported: I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: Verily Allah granted eminence to Kinana from amongst the descendants of Isma'il(Arabs), and he granted eminence to the Quraish amongst Kinana, and he granted eminence to Banu Hashim amonsgst the Quraish, and he granted me eminence from the tribe of Banu Hashim.
>
>https://quranx.com/Hadith/Muslim/USC-MSA/Book-30/Hadith-5653/
>
>http://sunnah.com/muslim/43/1
>
>Narrated Wathilah bin Al-Asqa': that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "Indeed Allah has chosen [istafa; lit. "taken 'the best' from"[5]] Isma'il from the children of Ibrahim, and He chose Banu Kinanah from the children of Isma'il, and He chose the Quraish from Banu Kinanah, and He chose Banu Hashim from Quraish, and He chose me from Banu Hashim."
>
>https://quranx.com/Hadith/Tirmidhi/DarusSalam/Volume-6/Book-46/Hadith-3605/
>
>https://sunnah.com/urn/634660
>
>أنا محمدُ بنُ عبدِ اللهِ بنِ عبدِ المطلبِ ، إنَّ اللهَ تعالى خلق الخلْقَ فجعلني في خيرِهم ، ثم جعلهم فرقتَين ، فجعلَني في خيرِهم فرقةً ، ثم جعلهم قبائلَ ، فجعلني في خيرِهم قبيلةً ، ثم جعلهم بيوتًا ، فجعلني في خيرهم بيتًا ، فأنا خيركُم بيتًا ، وأنا خيرُكم نفسًا
>
>(The Prophet(S) said): ‘I am Muhammad bin ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abdul-Muttalib. Indeed, Allah created the creation and made me from the best of them, and He then made them two groups (Arabs and non-Arabs) and made me from the best of them (the Arabs), then He made the tribes and made me from the best tribe, then He made the houses and made me from the best house. So I am the best house among them, and I am the best person among them.’”
>
>This narration has been recorded and authenticated by Shaykh Albani in his Saheeh Jami` al-Sagheer, hadith number 1472 (the book (in Arabic) can be read here:

[Saheeh Jami' As Sagheer, Hadith number 1472](https://preview.redd.it/oign70khatd81.png?width=600&for

Hey everyone. So I just wanted to say my last post is fake. I made it up. Heck I didn’t just make up the quote but I made up that person as well. “Lord Chesterton” is someone made up and the picture you saw is the results I got when I searched “photograph of german nobility 1900s”.

But I lot of people seemed to unironically believe it and I kinda wanted it. I made sure that this can be used as a way to discredit nationalism (by saying dividing Muslims) and feminism (by saying corrupting their women, morals).

Now about nationalism you have to understand that the “ummah” was never united. Literally just 60 years after Mohammed died bani umayah and bani hashim fought yet that didn’t stop muslim empires from being powerful. About equal rights letting women have their own career and agency isn’t moral corruption.

Now the last part about heresy is really dumb and I added it on purpose to give a little hint that it’s fake. Like all sects have fought colonialism wether it’s sunnis or “bid’ah” sufis or “mushrik” shias. And that’s excluding all the non-Muslims.

Now tbf these people here did point out that this quote is probably fake and asked for a source so shoutout to them and sorry I had to remove your comments. There were also other people who were critiquing the quote so kudos to them. Also shoutout to u/ascalon3 for helping immensely in making this image. And shoutout to this comment for inspiring me to make this.

Fatimah az-Zahra was born in Makkah on the twentieth day of the month of Jumadi ath-Thani in the fifth year of ‘The Declaration of Prophethood’ (Bi’that), when Prophet Muhammad was 45 years old, as narrated by Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq and Imam Muhammad al-Baqir; Sayyidah Khadijah b. Khuwaylid was her mother.

During one of his ascensions (Me’raj) to the heavens, Prophet Muhammad consumed various fruits, fresh dates and apples of Paradise. Allah transformed this food into water in the loins of the Prophet and when he returned to Earth, he spent the night with Sayyidah Khadijah, and subsequently, the light of Fatimah entered her womb. Thus Fatimah is referred to as the ‘human hourie’ in the sense that she lived on Earth like a human, however was from among the houries of Paradise.

From that point onward, whenever the Prophet desired to smell the sweet fragrance of Paradise, he would go to Fatimah and smell her, as she emitted the fragrance of Paradise and of the tree of Tuba.1 The Prophet would also frequently kiss his daughter although this was disliked by some of his wives due to their ignorance of the esteemed position of Sayyidah Zahra.

It is possible that a question may arise regarding the veracity of the above report since the ascension of the Prophet occurred six months before the Hijrah (migration of the Prophet from Makkah to Madinah), while according to other reports, it occurred in the second year of the ‘Declaration of Prophethood’, while Sayyidah Zahra was born in the fifth year of the ‘Declaration of Prophethood’ - thus, how can the above report be accurate?

It should be noted that the ascension of the Prophet was not limited to a one-time event, such that this incident may be doubtful. Rather, it has been related from Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq that the ascension of the Prophet of Allah took place one hundred and twenty times, and each time Allah advised the Prophet regarding the ‘Wilayah’ (mastership) and ‘imamah’ (leadership) of ‘Ali and the Imams after him - more than all other religious precepts and obligations.

‘Allamah al-Majlisi states in his work, Bihar al-Anwar, that one day the Prophet was seated at a place named al-Abtah (between Makkah and Mina). He was accompanied by Imam ‘Ali, ‘Abbas b. ‘Abdul Muttalib, Hamzah b. ‘Abdul Muttalib, ‘Ammar b. Yasir, Mandhar b. ­ahdhah, Abu Bakr and ‘Umar. Suddenly, Jibr

I'm a Syed and have always been told that my Noble blood is a blessing and it makes me special in some way. I was reading a thread on r/Islam and they claimed that this is cultural. While I don't believe that to be the case could someone explain why this is the case?

May Allah bless all of you and fulfill all of your wishes and prayers.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon