I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Did you know that Americans eat more bananas than monkeys every year?

Which makes sense, because I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nadajoe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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So I read a study the other day claiming that β€œhumans eat more bananas than monkeys”

Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandcanyon19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.....

And I gotta say that's true because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey

EDIT: Thanks kind stranger for the gold!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HVIIDPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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Saw a monkey trying to stuff two bananas in its mouth at the same time. Thought it was odd.

Turns out, it was even.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Today I saw a monkey with a banana

It wasn't ape peeling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtlaStar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
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The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.

That shit was bananas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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I got one-upped by my 6 y.o. son

My son made himself a banana sandwich.

Son: "This is what monkeys eat."

I thought I'd mess with him a bit on this "fact", and throw some dad humour at him.

Me: "What?! Monkeys don't eat sandwiches! How do they even bake the bread?"

Son: "With a g'rilla."

I think this kid is going places. I was completely outdone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ign1fy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
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Did you hear about the Dole truck that crashed?

It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.

It was bananas.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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My dad sent me this text with no context. Have no idea why.

In heaven the Elephants are in charge of remembering everything, the monkeys are in charge of giving hugs, the hippos are in charge of retrieving things that have fallen in water, the mice are in charge of dancing on the petals of flowers, the cats are in charge of landing on their feet when they fall out of a tree and porcupines are in charge of keeping the monkeys away from the bananas. πŸ˜ƒ In Hell the Hippos are in charge of dancing on the flowers, the elephants are in charge of landing on their feet when they fall out of a tree, the cats are in charge of retrieving things that have fallen in water, monkeys are in charge of remembering everything, the mice are in charge of keeping the monkeys away from the bananas and the porcupines are in charge of giving hugs. 😫

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slatetheturtle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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My dad used to tell this one every morning.

I would be sitting at the breakfast table eating my breakfast. He would grab a banana from the counter. Every time, EVERY time, he would put it against my back like a gun and say, "One false move and the monkey gets it!"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".

Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

In 2015 we ate over 74 million bananas and only 6 monkeys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameTheTrait
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Did you know people eat more bananas than monkeys?

I mean, when is the last time you ate a monkey?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Young-Grandpa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Today I found out that humans eat more bananas than monkeys

This surprised me, as I don't recall the last time I ate a monkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faiz_Clan
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Today I learned that a human eats bananas more than a monkey.

This is true because I don't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?

I don't know of anyone who ate a monkey!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dweebken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys

I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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TIL: that the average human eats more bananas than monkeys

... I don't remember the last time I ate a monkey ...

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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I read the other day that people eat more bananas than monkeys.

No surprises there, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0untdown
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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A recent study shows humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I don’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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TIL A recent study concluded that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I don't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcc10
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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