I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
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︎ May 25 2021
You could say my son has at least on square meal a day
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︎ Jun 27 2021
My girlfriend is a square root of -100
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
I got banned from /r/DadJokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"
Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
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︎ May 07 2021
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
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︎ Apr 28 2021
Can we ban jokes about German sausages? They are just the wurst
π︎ 35
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︎ May 26 2021
I got banned from my local gym
I gues I just didn't work out
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︎ May 08 2021
A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
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︎ Apr 25 2021
What is the square root of a cat?
π︎ 59
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Aladdin was banned from the magic carpet race
He was caught using performance enhancing rugs
π︎ 41
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︎ Jun 24 2021
They passed a law banning hindsight
I wish I knew this beforehand
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︎ Jun 17 2021
Square root (credit to u/fatfatlama)
π︎ 109
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Never thought cannibalism is so yummy(Another one of the ones that I want to cross post but r/puns bans cross posts)
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︎ May 15 2021
What do you call a horny square?
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︎ Feb 25 2021
In a world where people with superpowers make up 1% of the world population, people with two make up 1% of that 1%. These people born with two superhuman abilities are called squares.
Squares are raised to a second power.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
DO NOT spell "part" backwards!
π︎ 8k
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︎ May 31 2021
Square root
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I was banned from /r/dadjokes for posting about my love of canned pork products
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︎ May 08 2021
What do you call a person who sells banned books?
π︎ 4
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︎ May 23 2021
You should only use one square of toilet paper when you use the bathroom.
Thatβs all it takes to get it out from under your fingernails
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Thereβs a banned cheese thatβs on the tip of my tongue... Camber, ... Camemb,...
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 15 2021
Why did the statistician hesitate to apply the square root transformation to the data on annual hate crimes?
She didn't want bigotry to be normalized.
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 28 2021
My Dad is hopelessly addicted to going to different hardware stores every weekend.
Every Saturday, I see him hitting new Loweβs.
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︎ May 25 2021
What do you call 100 penguins in Trafalgar Square?
π︎ 24
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︎ Feb 16 2021
So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to βsquare up on the ballβ
She replied βthe ball is round daddyβ (with a straight face) So I tell her βno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!β
She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says βIβM REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!β Then throws it right back at me.
Proud dad moment.
π︎ 12k
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︎ Jun 23 2020
Physicists are playing hide and seek in the afterlife. It's Einstein turn to seek. He counts to 100, turns around and notices Newton in a 1m*1m square. Hah, Newton, I found you!
See Einstein, the problem here is that you discovered Pascal!
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?
π︎ 9k
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︎ Mar 21 2021
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..
.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.
(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 14 2021
"Length times width times height. Pi times r-squared times h. Four-thirds times pi times r-cubed."
This really speaks volumes.
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︎ Feb 08 2021
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
π︎ 4k
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Why is six afraid of seven?
7 was a well known 6 offender
π︎ 10k
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Why should Australians be banned from international chess tournaments?
Cos they keep saying "check, mate"
π︎ 43
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Donald Trump should drop the ball in Times Square on New Years Eve
He certainly has plenty of experience
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 31 2020
If someone mails you a square can of meat, DON'T open it!
π︎ 258
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︎ Sep 03 2020
I don't know why people expect Time's Square to put on a decent New Year's Eve show.
They're always dropping the ball.
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Got banned off of r/wholesome memes
for posting Swiss cheese jokes
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 22 2021
NASCAR bans the confederate flag?
Finally a turn in the right direction.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Jun 11 2020
I poured root beer in a square glass, now I have only beer
π︎ 90
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︎ Jul 14 2020
I put my root beer in a square glass
π︎ 40
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︎ Nov 10 2020
We all have heard about "Why was 6 afraid of 7?"
Cz 7 8 9.
But why was 10 afraid?
Because he's in between 9 11
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︎ May 30 2021
Bill Clinton is banned from all the French bakeries in his neighborhood.
He kept feeling their pain.
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...
So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.
"What this, Ed?"
"A line?" the boy replied.
"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."
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︎ Nov 09 2020
A Bishop's Twitter Post
π︎ 14k
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81
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︎ May 22 2021
I asked a german friend if he knew the square root of 81.
π︎ 36
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︎ Jun 24 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81
π︎ 25
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︎ Jun 01 2021
What do you call a horny square ?
π︎ 49
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I put my root beer in a square glass
π︎ 19
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︎ Dec 27 2020
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