Bald Jokes Puns

I have wavy hair. It waves goodbye."

My father has male pattern baldness and my older brothers hair is beginning to thin out and one day when my entire family including my grandparents were sitting outside my mom pointed it out by saying.

"Rob, you're starting to lose your hair."

Within seconds with a straight face my dad just peaks up with.

"Oh honey don't worry about him, he's not losing his hair he's just getting more head!"

....because freedom rings.

Edit: wow this is getting decent attention, Happy Brexit 1776 everyone!

Edit 2: top 50 all time on r/dadjokes and I'm not even a dad yet!

Him: Is there any tattooists in town? Me: Fairly sure there is one guy about 10 minutes out...? Him: Oh good! 'Cause I want him to tattoo a rabbit on the top of my head. Me: ..Why...? Him: 'Cause then someone might mistake it for a hare!

He giggled his way out

And he came back partially bald.

[actual joke my mom told me 20 years ago about our dog]

• What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

• If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

• Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

• Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

• I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

• Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

• I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

• How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

• Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

• I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

• Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

• I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

• Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

• Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

• Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

• When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

• I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

• Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

• Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

• I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

• Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

• Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

• Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

• Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

• I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

• Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

• So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

• When you get an infection, urine trouble.

• "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

• How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

• Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

• Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

• What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

My son just went to a new barber. He asked for one inch to be left...the barber cut it to 1/4 inch. So he comes home, looking almost bald. His wife just started laughing when she saw it. His 8 year old did a perfect dad joke. She walked over, rubbed her hands on dad's head and sang, like Elsa... "Let it grow, let it grow!...."