Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
I got fired today because a customer wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese....
I told them we only accept cash.
I went to a deli and said, I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese
The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards
People who name their dogs; Bailey, Brandy, Sherry, Jameson, Hooch or other names of the likes..
Are far more likely to have licker problems
I’ve been good. No ice cream on Thursday. None on Friday. None on Saturday.
I woke up this morning to find two birds sitting in the sun in our backyard eating ice cream.
They were Basking Robins.
What do you call a bulletproof Irish man?
Did you hear about the ice cream van that crashed?
The driver blamed it on the rocky road
What would I have if I wrapped ice cream in a tortilla?
An ice cream van crashed in the street today
The whole area is coned off.
Why are the Irish so wealthy?
Because their capital is always Dublin
I went to a microbrewery and a soft serve ice cream store the other day.
If an ice cream van breaks down....
...do they have to put out cones ?
What’s Adrian‘s favorite ice cream
What's the difference between rockets and an empty plate at an English cream tea?
One has nose cones and the other has no scones.
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
Why do the Irish always put 239 beans in their soup?
Because anymore would be too farty.
Happy St. Paddy's Day!
I called Peta on an Irish farmer for feeding his pets beer
He thought they were Guinness pigs
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Did you hear about the man who abandoned his diet, for an ice cream cone?
I bought an imitation diamond engagement ring to propose to my Irish girlfriend on St Patrick's day. I just hope she doesn't notice..
What does a worker at the Irish sperm bank say after you are finished?
What do you call an Irish man who stays out all night?
Patty O'Furniture.
Have a Happy St. Paddy's Day and stay safe!
What's Irish and sits out on the sidewalk
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once
I get most of my news as a cream that I rub on my skin
What would you call a businessman with a face covered in whipped cream?
I recently started a new business making Irish lawn chairs
I call it Paddy O’Furniture
There were a few irish friends in a pub and one of them was telling a joke about cows but no one laughed.
He should have told a udder joke
What is Ernie's favorite type of ice cream?
What's Trump's favourite flavour of ice cream?
Mmm peach mint.
A double scoop.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
My wife: Who ate all the ice cream?
Me: It was my friend Reese.
Her: Huh? how?
Me: Witherspoon.
If the Scottish and the Irish went to war, no matter the victor, both sides would have kilt it.
Why did the kid throw an ice cream into the ocean?
He wanted to see if he could make an ice cream float..
What do you call someone who isn’t Irish but becomes Irish on St. Patrick’s Day?
Did you hear the one about the Irish mobster that was killed for stealing Little trinkets?
It seemed to be the first case of a NikNak Paddywhack
Huey, Dewey, and Louie's Irish uncle that makes a mean burger
What do you call an Irish electrician hanging from your ceiling?
I got thrown out of the Facebook puns group for a post about ice cream.
They just said "How dairy!"
Chocolate ice cream
Working at an ice cream parlor there was a customer that insisted I serve him chocolate ice cream even though we were out of it. He just wouldn’t give up. So I said “let’s play a game”. How many “vans” are in vanilla ice cream? -he said “one”(correct) So how many “straws” are in strawberry ice cream? He said “one” again (correct) So then how many “ F’s” are in chocolate ice cream? He said there is no “F” in chocolate ice cream - I said “Exactly- THERE IS NO F IN CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!!!
Did you hear Ben and Jerry's are gonna stop making ice cream and start their own branch of martial arts?
Why did the ice cream sundae break up?
How does Reese eat her ice-cream?
How would Missy Elliott advertise her ice cream shop?
"Get yo' free cone 🎵"
(credit: guy at work told this one in a meeting)
Customer: "I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese."
Cashier: "Sorry, we only accept cash."
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
why are the irish so wealthy?
there capital is always dublin
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