I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you’d get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Back in my day, high school sports athletic conferences wouldn’t let you participate if you didn’t keep at least a 2.0 grade point average. It seems times have drastically changed...
I just heard about 20,000 leagues under the C!
Back in Times Old Roman...
We successfully went back in time and got Isaac Newton and Shakespeare to complete each other's research
Now my high school kid wants me to remind him of Newton's 3rd law of emotion
I went back in time to kill the person that made bread.
Now he yeasts to exist.
One I came up with myself
You think Covid-19 is bad? Back in prehistoric times we had the TyrannoSARS virus.
Symptoms include severe triceracoughs.
I was reminded of the time’s when I was a child the other day. My dad is to stick us in tires and roll us down the hills in the back yard....
Those were the GOODYEARS.
If you don't pay your exorcist back in time,
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
When Danny Zuko looks back at his time in high school ...
Do you think he is sandymental ?
I was in the pub having a drink when a girl came up to me and said she can show me a good time. So I followed her out the back where she took off her top...
...and she ran 100m in 10 seconds
DadProTip: When you back out of a parking space, be sure to say "Thiiiis takes me back" every time your kids are in the car.
What do you call 100 rabbits in a straight line that take a step back at the same time?
Back in the 90s, i spent time on the set of Baywatch messing with a character named Mitch Buchannon. I got pulled off the set and arrested the same night.
Turns out it's illegal to Hasslehoff.
How far back in time did the hungry time traveler go?
He went back four seconds
This just in: Scientists have turned back time.
They discovered the word "emit."
ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.
You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.
Back in medieval times, they used to make computer mice out of the poop of giant flame breathing reptiles...
...surely you've heard of the "dragon drop" interface.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
One time a German tourist dove into a river to save someone's dog. When he came back, he said to the owner, "Here iz ze dog, put him in a blänket so he iz dry and warm." The owners ask him, "How do you know, are yoy a vet?" The German looks at them blankly, "Vet? Im fucking soaking!"
My dad told me that back in the day, Jesus had a habit of leaving doors open all the time.
It’s like he was born in a barn or something.
Back in Biblical times, after Naomi's daughter in law died...
...things were quite Ruthless!
We've went back in time to 2017
I phoned in sick to work for the 5th time this week to tell them I'm flat out on my back.
They told me to stop lying.
Back in the days I started to read the classics, but my friend thought it was just waste of time.
Well after 1984 I didn’t have much energy for The Idiot anyways.
When my boyfriend said this I played it back over in my head a thousand times wishing I had come up with it
::watching Bruce Lee documentary::
"....when we were young, Bruce was scrawny but constantly picking fight that he would always lose..."
Boyfriend: yea, we a, we called him Bruised Lee
I booked a ticket on a plane that supposedly travels back in time.
My dad used to draw short, one panel comics all the time, back in the day. This is one of my favorites, I thought it belonged here.
Titled "Assault"
http://imgur.com/P8vQXfo
If you only have one dock, so you go back in time to build yourself another dock, what do you have?
A paradox.
If you freeze it, then it's paradoxicle
I was talking about traveling back in time and creating a paradox
My dad looked at me and said "If you have two boats, you also need a paradox."
Did you hear about the doctor who went back in time and met himself?
He created a real pair-a-docs
What does a time machine need in order to go back to the era of the 3 stooges?
Back in time
A few friends and I were watching the final of the snooker world championship with Ronnie O'Sullivan playing Mark Selby. Someone commented on Ronnie's snazzy watch saying it was a Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso. I then proceeded to ask that if it was a Reverso, did it tell the time backwards. As you can imagine it was met with a number of groans!!
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