PLEASE BE CAREFUL! I don’t know if this is a scam or not?
I’ve just received a phone call saying I’ve won £250 or 2 tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute show, then it said just press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.
Has anyone else had this?!
"I don't care where those damn cows ran off to."
....said the farmer, callously.
I usually don't care what other people are saying...
....until they start whispering.
I’m sorry aboot these. Please don’t kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
I don't understand how some people don't care about elephants being an endangered species.
I guess they just find them irrelephant.
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
My wife said, “I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
The design subreddits didn't care too much for puns, hope you get a chuckle out of this poster I created. The Talon-ted Ones. Coming to a venue near you.
We're doing everything right, I don't understand why we can't make a baby.
I don't tell dad jokes
He never understands them.
My girlfriend complains a lot that I don't smile anymore
Well she's the one who wanted a serious relationship
I meant to cross post it but I don’t know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
I don't even know how many puns I made here. I am a pun-aholic.
This morning Siri said "don't call me Shirley"
I'd accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
I don’t understand why my son was so upset I gave him broken down cardboard for his birthday.
He’s the one who kept asking for an ex-box.
Sometimes I use big words I don't understand
Just to make me sound more photosynthesis
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
I don’t know why people get mad at others for telling Dick jokes
I have to change my roof but don’t have any money
Thankfully, the contractor said it’ll be on the house
Someone was talking to me about kitchen utensils, something I really couldn't care for.
I told them to sieve it for someone who cares.
I don't trust artists
They're always so sketchy
I don't like green boogers, or yellow boogers, or big boogers, or little boogers.
I guess you could say I'm rather picky.
I've decided I don't want to be fat, so I now identify as skinny.
Guess that means I'm trans-slender
I don't believe in hitting my children as punishment....
I just send them to school in Justin Bieber shirt and Crocs and let the other kids beat them instead.
I don't understand why everyone says people who love horses are crazy.
In fact, I find them quite stable.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
“So, the US is pulling out of the war right? Like, we don’t care about their fighting anymore?”
You wanna know what I don't like about babies?
They're all born with da fetus attitudes.
My friends often don't get my dad jokes so I have to spell them out.
Stairs. I don’t trust stairs...
They are always up to something
We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we don’t get crushed by Roof Street
Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.
I was told concrete is corrosive, but I don't know if it's true.
They told me it was laced with lye.
Don't know if this was posted here before
I don't like how shopping centres are so similar..
You see one, you've seen a mall
Sometimes I tell myself “mark don’t eat to much chocolate for breakfast.”
But then I do it anyways cause, my name’s not mark.
Hey, I don't care, if people want to spend lots of their money on electricity...
I don't always WHOOP, but when I do...
THERE IT IS!
Edit: A simple joke. Not even a hit, but thanks for my first gold! You're very kind!
I really don't like Bees.
Which is strange, because I'm fine with the rest of the alphabet.
People who don’t know the difference between entomology and etymology…
Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
I don’t mean to brag but...
Cashiers are always checking me out
I don't mean to brag, but I have sychic powers.
For example, I know what all you are thinking right now. "It's spelt psychic, you idiot. "
I don’t trust stairs at all
They’re always up to something
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