Shopping for a Baby monitor
*howls aggressively* "IM GOIN ALL IN BABY"
Smaller babies may be delivered by storks.....
... but the heavier ones need a crane .
What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?
Purée!!!
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
I’ve never understood why baby dogs are called puppies...
When they could be called subwoofers
What's one benefit of being a test-tube baby?
You have a womb with a view.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
How does a baby look something up?
They "Goo Goo" it.
[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
What do you call a group of baby soldiers?
An infantry
Side note: I will be a first time father at the end of March. I am proud to join the dad joke ranks, my wife and son will learn to appreciate the content from this subreddit 😬
What sex position makes the ugliest babies?
Women should not have babies after 40.
Why was the baby jalapeño shivering?
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
What does a baby computer call its father?
If being around baby chickens has taught me one thing...
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound, his reply...
he can't have my nose, I need it!
Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?
What does Baby Yoda feed his plants?
My wife gave birth to our baby boy otw to the hospital...
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn
Where do baby snowmen come from?
Bruce Springsteen: Baby we are born to run.
Bruce Springsadult: let’s just take a cab.
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?
She gave him a weigh in a manger.
Which US state is best for baby rodents?
What is it called when a teen has a baby?
Doctor: Here is your newborn baby but we are sorry that your wife didn’t make it
Me: Please bring me the one my wife made
Did you hear about the fashionable scientist who can design your baby to your specifications?
They are always bragging about their designer jeans
Dad holds baby boy
Baby smiles and starts to coo.
"Hai ku, I am dad."
How do you put baby alien to sleep ?
When we came home from the hospital with our newborn son, my wife asked if the house was baby proof.
I told her I thought the baby was the proof himself.
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
My wife is so unreasonable. First she told me to get a baby monitor
Then she told me she doesn’t want lizards in the house. Make up your mind!
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
As far as baby chickens are concerned...
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
If being around baby chickens has taught me one thing...
Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
Smaller babies get delivered by the stork
Bigger babies need a crane
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