B Double Puns

Current events make it less attractive.

All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop

Yes it’s a double pun. This is probably the best thing I’ve ever done in my whole life...

So, this just happened last night. My son (11 years old, and a true lover of dad jokes) is not presently speaking to me.

After i just finished cutting an avocado in two... Me: Shall we "halve" some avocado with dinner tonight? Huh? Huh? (Dramatically pointing to the cut produce in Vanna White style.) Son: (Unimpressed). I might take a little. Me: You might? I say you "halve two!" (Again gesturing dramatically to the two halves.) Son: groan That was TERRIBLE... But you score extra points for a double pun. Me: Av-a-cad-o million more where those came from. Mic Drop

It's actually a double pun and enters the realm of dad quality

Because Jesus didn't want to be double crossed

He double Gloucester

How the heck did it take me 13 years (watched it in 2008) for me to get that (probably a double) car pun. “Radiator springs”, cuz Car radiators. Correct me if I’m wrong.

I told him stealth gear and a go bag. He is an exposed double agent.

Mmm peach mint.

A double scoop.

Double D2

“I live in Spain without the ‘s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the “Bah”.

1. I have a double China without the “a”.

2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the “an”.

3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the “J”.

5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the “Ku”.

6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the “Ne”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the “Den”, of course.

Double negatives are a real no-no.

A: Double jointed.

Double Bubble

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

• You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
• Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
• You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

I was double-crossed.

Carrots maybe good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision

The double aaaayyyyyyyyyy.....

A woman walks into a cocktail bar and asked for a double entendre - so the barman gave her one.

They have double the horsepower

The double negative is a complete no no!

Double ewe

Double Stuffed

He double Gloucester

...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.

...She went from studying faults to double-faults.

The bartender asks “Don’t you mean a martini?”

In response the Roman says “If I wanted a double I’d have asked for it!”

Would that be double homicide?

It’s been double crossed so many times.

Once upon a time there was a king in the olden times

He loved giving out diktats like

"So shall citizens pay double the tax"

"So shall boys over 18 join the army"

He went to war with China

He won

In the court, they brought a Chinese man

"Your Majesty, he's the best singer in China, but refuses to sing since he is unwell with cough, fever"

The king then gave out a new diktat

"So shall this Tan sing"

And to this day, when it happens..

A double rainbow.

He’s my buddy double.

My boss is going to be so mad when he finds out about this double-cross.

See-O-Double You

A double crossbow.

Wait until you have a midlife crisis, then double your age.

I was told this joke belongs here

Baker: I'm sorry love, I won't be home till late. I'm doing a double shift.

Wife: But why?

Baker: I knead the dough.

A Double Decker.

That way I would have double Aunt Endres.

Me: "Tell me a Joke"

Cortana: "Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in the mud, then cross the road again? Because he was a dirty double crosser"

Me: Groan "Tell me a Good Joke."

Cortana: "There are two types of people in the world: Those who need closure"

But booze will double your vision

Double Gloucester