Ayr Advertiser Puns

Interviewer: WillShakespeare99, thank you for joining us.

WillShakespeare99: Thank you very much for having me here.

Interviewer: You said this morning on MBBC Scotland that you believed your’s and Labour’s view on Brexit reflected that of the people of Lanarkshire and the Borders. Am I right in saying you would leave the Single Market?

WillShakespeare99: Aye.

Interviewer: So, how could you say that, and suggest you’re in line with people’s views, when this constituency voted to remain?

WillShakespeare99: Because Britain voted to leave, and the Government and legislators must honour democratic decisions of the country. But I am reflecting this constituency’s view because I voted remain, and now accept we must leave, and will go in to the process ensuring that those who wanted to remain are listened to and that their views form a part of our approach. I want as close a relationship with the EU as possible, I want a Parliamentary vote on the final deal, and I want to rule out a no-deal. I will ensure Scotland’s voice is heard, and that we have a Brexit that represents all Brits, not just those who voted to leave. We have to bring the country together, and that means, yes going through with Brexit, but ensuring that those who voted remain also play a key role.

Interviewer: And why can’t the current Tory MP do that?

WillShakespeare99: Because he voted leave, he is a backbencher, and he rarely speaks in the house. This constituency, which voted leave, has an MP that does not reflect the area’s majority view, who doesn’t understand concerns around Brexit, and who will not allow for our communities to come back together. I will ensure Lanarkshire and the Borders is heard in Government, and in the Brexit debate. I will honour the vote, and do my bit to ensure the result works for all people in the constituency, not just those who voted to leave. Lanarkshire and the Borders needs an MP who can approach Brexit in a sceptical, realistic manner.

Interviewer: You talk about approaching Brexit in a sceptical manner, does that mean you’re pessimistic?

WillShakespeare99: Definitely not. There are opportunities in Brexit for ordinary people. What we need is a Government that recognises the challenges, puts forward sensible solutions and ideas, and ensures the voice of remain Britain is also not forgotten, so we can get a good deal. It’s not going to be easy, but I am optimistic that with the right approach, and with a Government that is working for Britain’s grass

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

It's already the most affordable flower in the program right now so I just wanted to share this absolute steal!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

I got my rear tyres replaced today and the tyre service place I went to had zero customers.

I decided to throw in a wheel alignment as well to help with the struggling business. The mechanic looked at my tyres, said the wear pattern was pretty good and didn't need to do the front tyres. Went to write a google review and it turns out that there are multiple 5 star reviews of the same honest behaviour.

Why would he be having such low business if there are such good reviews? Wouldn't COVID cause more people to drive within WA for holidays and such?

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.