A list of puns related to "Awful Food"
[Scene: my wife is changing our 9-month-old daughter's diaper.]
Wife: "Ever since she started eating solid foods, her diapers have gotten awful."
Me: "Yeah. Shit just got real."
A bit of back story is need: My dad has got a big need to put inedible things in our food for taste (not actually inedible, just taste awful) which is bad for me as I don't really want to pick through my food to find all of the inedible parts to ensure I don't have an awful taste in my mouth.
Anyway, my dad was cooking an oriental dish and called from the kitchen, "UpsideDownie, no cloves!" I called back "I'm not eating naked, that's weird."
I chuckled, he chuckled. And then later in the meal I had a mouthful of lime peel... He wins.
We were eating dinner but then my mom started choking. She said "It tastes awful!" I then said "Someone is salty about the food."
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
Working as a waiter, I have a couple of wonderful/awful/wonderfully awful jokes when customers place an order. For example...
"Can I please have the rabbit pasta?"
"Oh I'm not sure I'd recommend that, there have been numerous complaints about a hare in their food."
And for the steaks...
"How would you like that cooked?"
"Well done."
"Thanks, but I'm just doing my job."
I either get laughs, confused looks or groans; most of the time I get a combination of the three. But since I'm childless (19 seems a tad young) I have to get my dad jokes out somehow.
My wife dropped this one:
One worm said to his buddy "Hey, all that food that was in here last night is decomposed." the other says "Aw man, that's rotten."
So I was in the drive-thru at Taco Bell last night, and the guy asked me if I wanted any sauce with my deliciously awful food, and I told him I wanted mild. I said, "Several, if that's cool." He responded by saying, "Well, it's gonna be mild, not cool." I had to pull into a parking space to give myself a minute to stop laughing.
My boyfriend was just finishing up cooking for his friends as one of them was plating the food. He (friend A) asked his girlfriend (friend B) to find him a fork.
Friend A: "did you find a fork?"
Friend B: "no, but I do have a spork!"
Friend A: "I don't need that, I hate using sporks!"
Me: "aw, don't be such a spoiled spork!"
I at least got a groan from one of them
We were going to pick up good from our local Vietnamese restaurant and we were getting pho, a vietnamese soup. My dad pulls into the parking lot and asks me to go get the food, and I groan, so he says "aw what the pho, its not even a big deal". Ha ha dad.
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