Audace Puns

It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from

Just as I was right in the middle of taking down the Christmas decorations...

Dad: Hi son, I’ll go make you some lunch like the respectful father that I am, unlike those other dads that call their son hungry. The audacity of some people.

Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...

"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"

He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.

And then he turned into a store...

*Note: This was like ten years ago and I still haven't forgotten the audacity.

My parents visited me last weekend. Short on ideas, we decided to hit up a widely-respected art museum. They had some new exhibitions, some of which were a little outside our personal tastes and expectations.

We walked into a photography exhibit and saw, along one wall, a sheet of green. This sheet of green was a little higher and taller than the average door, and stretched all the way down that bit of wall plus a few feet onto the floor.

"Oh," I said, "a green screen. That's kind of a neat little thing to have here. Sort of an homage to that style of film, I guess?"

Little did I know. In hindsight, I don't know why I expected anything different.

My father and I approached the plaque beside it. There we learned the truth: This was not a green screen. No. No, this was a specially printed photograph.

A photograph... of a green screen.

There we stood, astonished at the audacity of the thing before us. "My God," I said aloud, "This, right here, this is something else. This is just plain genius. Can you imagine getting money for something like this? Why didn't we come up with this? This is gold!"

To which my dad simply responded, "No, son...

... it's green."

My friend asked for a ride, and his dad replied: " I haven't heard from you all year, and you have the audacity to call me and ask me for a ride?" The time was 1:24 AM, January 1 2014