A doctor was looking at a patient's X-rays.

Doctor: This is exactly what I was afraid of.

Patient: What is it, doctor?

Doctor: Skeletons.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/arayakim
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 03 2019
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A friend of mine works at a butcher shop. Here are some of the signs he's made for the store. (x-post /r/meat)

Album here: http://imgur.com/a/yc3yJ

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sup3rmark
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 01 2015
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What does Stingโ€™s doctor say when he looks at his x-rays?

โ€œHmm, thatโ€™s intra-stingโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thegodawfultruth
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 28 2019
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Every day at work I write something silly on the dry erase paint 'whiteboard' by my desk and this is today's contribution. [x-post from r/funny]
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 139
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/skinnymatters
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 06 2012
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Hung on the wall at the lab (x-post /r/funny)

https://i.imgur.com/8oYKk78.jpg

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Kitnado
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 11 2018
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exp(x) has a hard time socializing at parties.

Every time he tries to integrate, he ends up by himself.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 18 2018
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[x-post /r/jokes] What do you call an expert at making ship parts?

A master master.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/piefacepro
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 20 2015
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Everytime I use the gym at my church I feel a stabbing pain in my side... (x-post r/dadjokes)

I guess Pontious Pilates just isn't for me

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ThanHowWhy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 19 2016
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Just hanging out at the carpool [X-post /r/gifs]
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/thorolfhammer
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 11 2014
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applying for a job at a golf course (x-post from r/golf)

https://i.imgur.com/UivGmJ8.jpg

(original)

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/pinchealeman
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 22 2015
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Found a book full of Dad Humor at the thrift store today. [x-post r/funny]

http://imgur.com/a/buLLc

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/MaMaJillianLeanna
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 21 2014
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I laughed at this more than I should have [x-post from r/labrats]
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 74
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kirbyfood
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 17 2013
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While I was away at college, my dad decided to wear my old Halloween costume to work [x-post from r/funny]
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ErroneousSloth
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 28 2013
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My dad at dinner tonight. Thought I would share (x-post from /r/funny)

My sister was in a hurry to get to a hockey game and was anxious to eat supper.

Sister: We better get eatin' soon.

Dad: I hope not, we still have food to eat.

Sister: Blank stare

tl;dr: Eaten vs eating

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Mr_GWilikers
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 27 2015
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Wow, look at that van gogh! [x-post from r/funny]
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/trbowers
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 06 2013
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Got dad joked at work Friday night (x-post from r/tales from your server)

Had a table consisting of a mom, dad and a little boy. Dad is reading the beer list (which is all local stuff, including a Bridgeport I.P.A) and he says "oh, you have the Canadian Bridgeport, I'll have that." To which I reply "um, the Bridgeport is an american beer sir."

"No, it's an I.P., eh."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RangerSkip
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 30 2014
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My first time doing puns in real life. Ik it's horrible

So today, I had a conversation with my friend while walking home from school. At one point my lace untied and he pointed that out to me while we were walking past a 7eleven. I am horrible at making puns so forgive me. I shall call him J

J: You u should tie up your shoes

Me(pointing to the lays packet in the store): I can't be bothered tying my shoe-lays

J: You should stop spread them all around the "play-se" (place)

Me: Well maybe you should stop lay-zing around and actually study(he couldn't reply to that cuz all he does is lay-ing around aimlessly. Haha! See what I did there!)

Conversation deviates

Me: come follow me to Cheers let's look for a giftcard

J: nah

Me: get your lay-z ass over to cheers u ungrateful bitch! u make my life lays miserables

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ZmentAdverti
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 18 2020
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Not sure if this has been put on here before...

A man fancies himself skilled at writing puns, so when a local newspaper offered $5000 to whomever could write the best pun, the man thought he'd make some quick cash. He spent the next day writing puns and picked out the ten best ones to send in to the newspaper. He figured that at least one of the ten he submitted would win, but sadly, no pun in ten did.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Shinnaminbuns
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 06 2019
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The Worst Computer Puns on the Internet

Why donโ€™t Vikings like to send emails?

They prefer to use Norse code!

more dad style computer jokes at https://puns.dev

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/panthera_services
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 05 2019
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Need about 6 womr-wizard pun names!

Hello! so I am terribly uncreative, and turn to you genius folks here at /r/puns for advice with a few names involving wizards, magic, and worms! Thank you for taking the time to read this and offer advice!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/neozan
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 02 2016
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Hit me with your puns for a folk festival shirt!

My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/WolfPack_VS_Grizzly
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 20 2012
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So I'm a new dad, but I think I'm doing this dad joke thing right.

I'm a newly minted dad as of three months ago, but I've been practicing my dad jokes for years. In other words, I'm great at bad puns and face palming humor.

I gathered with a group of friends to see an old friend who we hadn't seen for a while. She was telling us about her new boyfriend. After saying that he was a cop, and also a culinary student I quickly quipped:

"So he really does Protect AND Serve."

Followed by a big new dad grin.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BeardedBatsard
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 05 2015
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I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NoThruTrucks
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 16 2020
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I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, โ€œIs it to scale?โ€ I replied, โ€œNoโ€ฆโ€

โ€œItโ€™s to look at.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 23 2020
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Got a new tattoo

My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bosozokulove
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 09 2020
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Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeast๐Ÿ™๐Ÿปโค๏ธ

Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!๐Ÿ˜

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/iLoveRaviolis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 27 2020
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Which African country is TESLA founder Elon Musk from?

Mad-at-gas-car, obviously.

(It just came to me and I had to share it. I'm so sorry)

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/painfool
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 12 2020
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Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?

Because they always get lost at C.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/potato_soul1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 12 2020
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I met my wife at a singles bar...

Which was really strange, since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 414
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 03 2020
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I went for an interview. They said, โ€œCan you perform under pressure?โ€

I said โ€œIโ€™m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsodyโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 727
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LIS1050010
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 17 2020
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Out-dadded by my 5 y/o niece

I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.

My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."

Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/redneckvet
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 05 2020
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 21 2020
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A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"

Slim to Nun?

(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 29k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/megad1rt
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 18 2020
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Jesus grew up poor but...

At least he was born in a stable situation.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 153
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/djstrum23
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 03 2020
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I just found out that Aaargghhh is not a real word.

I canโ€™t tell you how angry I am at this.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 302
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 18 2020
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The Pillsbury Doughboy died.

His funeral will be held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 335
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/boxofmixedbiscuits
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 10 2020
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I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Brucemoose1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 30 2020
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My friend told me, โ€œYour wife and daughter look like twins!โ€

I said, โ€œWell, they were separated at birth.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 23k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 23 2020
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My kid is at the point where they want to put bandaids on everything...

I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt Iโ€™d share it with reddit.

My kid came up to me and says โ€œoh no, look dad, it needs a bandaidโ€ as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.

I looked at my kid and said โ€œI donโ€™t think it needs a bandaid, he looks like heโ€™s going to bounce backโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 147
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ruum-502
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 20 2020
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I don't know why people are afraid of flying...

Most crashes happen at ground level.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 76
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 30 2020
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My friend was shot clean through his skull but survived.

I canโ€™t imagine what was going through his mind at the time.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 69
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/winkelschleifer
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 19 2020
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I went to McDonaldโ€™s and ate a kidโ€™s meal today.

His mom was pretty upset at me.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 91
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/creator35
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 27 2020
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Why did the Soviet army have such great soldiers

They were all excellent at marxmanship

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FilipinoOompaLoompa
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 02 2020
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Why did the ghost soccer team win all their games?

They were amazing at possessing the ball.

*My son's joke. I'm so proud.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 721
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ArcticTrek
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 19 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

show more
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?

Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 70
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sgrl2494
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.

Now she's a small medium at large.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 75
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/eggsaladapologist
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 25 2020
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I met a midget once, our conversation was very awkward...

Iโ€™m not very good at small talk.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/justbeatitTTD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 29 2020
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/billbixbyakahulk
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 05 2020
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What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

A Brrrrrrger.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Domidoms
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 04 2020
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I really ought to start losing weight...

But, I've got too much on my plate at the moment.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 57
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 02 2020
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Upon delevery

So I'm proud to say I made my first dad joke not even 5 min after my son way born.

After he came out, the doctor weighed my son. Doctor said "wow look at the size of those hands!".

Which I had to reply instantly " you know what they say about babys with big hands eh?!?" .... "big gloves" !!

To whole room cracked up and my women just sighed and said. "Really.."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/OlderNo7
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 01 2020
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How can you tell an Engineer is an extrovert?

They are looking at your shoes when they talk to you instead of their own.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 41
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Corpsman223
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 24 2020
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My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he canโ€™t even look at himself in the mirror.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 118
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 29 2020
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I walked into a supermarket and saw 1/2 watermelon.....

Why is it i shop at Wholefoods and see this?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 37
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SIIa109
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 03 2020
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My wife wants to go vegan

I feel like my marriage is at steak

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/legend_1_am
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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What kind of Bees make Milk?

Boobies

Imma head out before y'all yell at me

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VPR247
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 02 2020
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Bird Puns?

Toucan play at that game.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheDukeOfSpiffing
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 02 2020
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Must....keep....maritime puns....

....at bay!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SayLittleDoMuch
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 18 2020
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It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....

At the end of the day it's evening

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 66
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/_joshi_
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 17 2020
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I donโ€™t like candy bars anymore

They always Snicker at me

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AshamedTurtwig
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 01 2020
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. Iโ€™d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since weโ€™re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says โ€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,โ€ a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift Iโ€™m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • Iโ€™m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I donโ€™t really have that โ€œcreativeโ€ part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesnโ€™t matter!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dont-runwithscissors
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 27 2020
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I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome.

It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 141
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lolyfe-dc
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 21 2020
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Got a math assignment from my teacher the other day...

When I glanced over the assignment , I noticed one of the problems was missing.

I waved down the teacher, and he came over and said, "Everything looking good?"

I said, "I don't see a problem here."

He looked at me and said, "Great!" and walked away.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 71
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/GrayWolf85
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 24 2020
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