I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."

Those dustbins must be very intelligent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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We just bought a painting by a farmer who only creates art of cows and horses.

His name is Oscar Moo-neigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Duzervee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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My wife makes art by spending hours painting dots on a canvas to create shapes, she calls it modern art

I think it’s pointillist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/____okay
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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At the art museums today, looking at a Monet exhibit, my dad said "these paintings are priceless..."

"They must cost a lot of Monet!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hornwalker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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What I love about Bob Ross, is that he always has a happy touch on the entire landscape of the art of painting
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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I’m planning a paint themed party for my friend, any paint/art themed puns I can use for the invitations?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MannnOfHammm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.

I asked about it once and he said β€œI like to bill them later.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yumi_arizona
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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When Jimmy told me he was going to paint vibrant birds for his art final, I got nervous...

... but he ended up passing with flying colors

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I tried too hard.

An art critic was judging paintings at an event.

The first one was a bland painting of the earth. not too bad, but nothing out of this world.

The second one was a blank painting. Why they even turned it it, don’t ask.

The third one though. The third one was a beautifully crafted painting of a sheep.

The art critic turned to the artist. All they had to say was, β€œWow, I am wooly astonished. The shear amount of detail of this art ewe made, which definitely lambs you into first place. This might be way pasture standards, but too baaad, don’t be sheepish. This piece definitely separates the sheep from the goats, it will definitely farm you some moo-lah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PorpoleyPolarBear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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Saw this online. Thought you would like it

My grandfather or Pa, as I called him gave my an absolute gem.

He was actually my step mother's dad and we already called my other grandfather Papa, so we called him 'Pa Ulb' - Ulb being his surname.

He was an incredible artist and would paint awesome things for us or on our bedroom walls. I remember he painted me a massive Star Wars piece on one of my walls when Episode 1 came out. I was only about about 6 at the time and remember being scared of Darth Maul. From this we used to joke around that Darth Maul would come and get me if I did anything wrong. Sort of like a police officer watching my every move, to ensure I behaved.

This carried on as a joke until he died 2 years ago, when I had done something wrong he said he'd call the police and get Maul to take me away. When he did die he had just finished an incredible painting of Darth Maul as a police officer. It was amazing! My parents could make sense of it and weren't sure if it was him that had painted it, so they flipped it over because he used to always write Pa Ulb Art and the title of the painting.

Surely enough on the back it said Pa ulb Art - Maul Cop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/herper
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
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Critic

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:
β€œWould you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?”
β€œSure.”
β€œIt's pretty much worthless.”
β€œI don't mind, you can tell me anyway.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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An old painter is quickly losing his vision

An old painter is quickly losing his vision, but wants to keep working despite being given many opportunities to retire. His boss wants to give younger painters a chance, but the old painter refuses to quit. One day he is assigned to restore a section of the Great Wall that has detailed ancient Chinese calligraphy painted on it. Because of his vision he ends up painting over much of the details in the art and royally screws up. After his boss finds out, he is given a talking to and is immediately fired.

I guess he just couldn’t see the writing on the wall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klausklass
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Art Show

Went to an art show on the weekend with my wife. We were looking at all the abstract paintings and my wife says,

I just don't get it why is the big splotchy painting worth $8,000 our daughter could paint something just like that. Maybe I'm just not cultured enough?

I reply,

That's not a problem honey you just need to eat more yoghurt!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overkill782
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
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My first dad joke worthy of this subreddit.

For our three year anniversary, the girlfriend decided we should go to this craftstore and paint/glaze some art in a kiln to remember this anniversary. I reluctantly agreed.

We start browsing the examples of what other people had done and we see a mugs painted like flowers, minions, and one painted as Harry Potter.

At which I said, "Oh look. Harry Pottery."

The laugh I got out of the worker made the trip worth it. The girlfriend was just embarrassed. I was proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LADeviation
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
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My dad was on a roll at the Christmas parade last night
  1. Troupe of mimes starts a performance, turns to me: "Quiet! I wanna hear this!"
  2. Drum line guys walking around afterwards: "Why don't you take your drum and beat it!"
  3. Local art store named O'Dunn's: "Have you finished the painting yet? Are you o' dunn?"

All I could do was laugh and roll my eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SBDD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
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President Bush dad jokes his daughter (and the nation) during art gallery interview. [Video, @1:14]

Jenna Bush Hager interviews her dad (Bush 43) for an NBC special on the opening of his art exhibition at the Bush Presidential Library. About a minute in, he slips in a pretty good dad joke:

Jenna: Do these people know that you are painting them?

Bush: Sort of. There's no telling how these people are going to react. I think I told Tony [Blair] I was painting him and he sort of brushed it off.

Jenna: No 'art pun' intended.

Bush: That was definitely an art pun.

http://www.today.com/video/today/54864022#54864022

Edit: Grammar.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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