Armed robbery
👍︎ 39
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📅︎ May 11 2020
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I was tried for armed robbery, but the case was overturned on a technicality.

My father always said I lack conviction.

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📅︎ Feb 06 2020
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If I had a dollar for every time I've committed armed robbery...

I'd be a pretty lousy robber.

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📅︎ Apr 18 2018
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Watched the news the other day about an armed robbery...

...of course it was armed. Kind of hard to rob a place with no arms.

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📅︎ Sep 23 2016
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I read a story about twin brothers born with a single body and shared organs.

Age 6 they were separated in a successful 13hr surgery. Later in life they went to prison for armed robbery. They served 10yrs. Afterwards they wrote their book about being ex-con joined twins.

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👤︎ u/JoshWithaQ
📅︎ Nov 26 2020
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This just in: 2 men broke into the city bank using nothing more than a few mannequin limbs.

Officials say we are dealing with an armed robbery

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👤︎ u/icemage27
📅︎ Oct 14 2020
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Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea.

All I got was 6 years for armed robbery

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👤︎ u/Degtyrev
📅︎ Jun 06 2019
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So a guy decides to scare the living daylights out of some people on the highway....

So, my town has a major highway that runs through it, and a bridge that people can walk over. Well, some guy decides to tie a ball to a string and dangle it over the side of the bridge. That way, any car that goes under the bridge will think they hit something and the guy could have a good laugh. Well, a semi comes through, and the ball gets caught on the mirror. The guy's arm gets ripped clean off, and he's sent to the hospital right away. The truck driver gets pulled over as he's passing through another town. The arm is still dangling from the mirror. The truck driver is then arrested, for armed robbery. (Badum-tsss) (Thank you, thank you. I can't wait to get 3 whole karma for this one.)

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📅︎ Aug 15 2018
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My dad when we were talking about recent crime in the United States...

Dad: Hey did you hear a bout what happened in Texas the other day?

Me: No, what happened?

Dad: Well there was these kids standing on an overpass of the highway, and they were dangling a noose over the edge trying to distract drivers. After a while the noose gets lower and lower and ends up catching a guys hand hanging out of the window, and ripped it clean off.

Me: Holy Shit no way that happened?!

Dad: Yup! And guess what they charged the kid with?

Me: I have no idea.

Dad: Armed Robbery....

👍︎ 230
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📅︎ Sep 18 2013
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There was a horrible accident in my town yesterday. A kid was playing with a yo-yo and it somehow got caught in a car's bumper. The car took off and ripped the poor kids arm off.

The driver was arrested for armed robbery.

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👤︎ u/nyquill81
📅︎ Aug 14 2017
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This one is my favorite "story" to tell.

I start with just having a normal conversation like normal people do while I wait for an opportune time to slip in this story of mine.

The Story:

Did you hear about that kid on the bridge with the brick about a year ago? Yeah, this kid was apparently on an overpass for I-95 (nearby interstate. Locality makes it believable.) with a brick tied to a rope. He just sat there swinging it at passing cars, breaking their windshields just for a laugh. Eventually, the brick got caught in one and didn't come back out like it usually did. Instead, this time, the rope got wrapped around his arm and the sudden yank pulled his arm clean off. The driver tried to sue, but got nowhere because it was a kid. However, the driver was arrested for armed robbery.

Gets groans every time.

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👤︎ u/JamoWRage
📅︎ Dec 08 2014
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