Antigonus Doson Puns

[The following takes place in 221 BCE.]

>As it was, Antigonus marched to Tegea and likewise restored the ancient constitution there, and two days later arrived in Argos at the moment when the Nemean Games were being celebrated. There he was awarded every kind of honour and distinction [for his victory in the Cleomenean War] to immortalize his memory, both by the Achaean League and by the individual states, after which he hurried back to Macedonia where he found the Illyrians.

>He compelled them to fight a pitched battle and won a victory, but while he was shouting to encourage his troops in the fighting, he exerted himself so violently that he took to vomiting blood, fell into the morbid condition of which this is a symptom, and died soon afterwards,

Source:

Polybius, et al. “Events in Greece.” The Rise of the Roman Empire. Penguin, 2003. 176. Print.

Further Reading:

Antigonus III Doson (Greek: Ἀντίγονος Γ΄ Δώσων)

Cleomenean War

[The following takes place during the Battle of Sellasia, during the Cleomenean War of 229/228-222 BCE. Context of the battle, courtesy of Wikipedia: “The Battle of Sellasia took place during the summer of 222 BC between Macedon and the Achaean League, led by Antigonus III Doson, and Sparta under the command of King Cleomenes III. The battle was fought at Sellasia on the northern frontier of Laconia and ended in a Macedonian-Achaean victory.”]

>When the moment for the assault arrived, the Illyrians were given their signal, the officers passed the word to the men to do their duty, and all the Illyrians at once sprang into view of the enemy and launched their attack on the hill. At this point the light-armed mercenaries who had been stationed in the valley to support the Spartan cavalry noticed that the Achaean units were not covered by any troops behind them, and so they launched a charge from the rear.

>This move threatened the whole of Antigonus’ right wing, which was pressing the attack up the hill of Evas, since they were facing Eucleidas’ troops above them and were being strongly attacked by the mercenaries from behind and below. At this critical moment Philopoemen of Megalopolis saw what was happening, and at the same time what was likely to happen.

>At first he tried to point out the danger to the senior commanders, but as he was still quite a young man, and had never before held a command, nobody took any notice of him. Finally he called upon his fellow-citizens to rally round him and boldly charged the Spartan cavalry. His action quickly created a diversion. The mercenaries, who had been harassing the rear of the troops advancing up Evas, heard the commotion and, seeing that their own cavalry were engaged, broke off their action and ran back to their original positions to support the cavalry. Meanwhile the Illyrians and Macedonians and the rest of the assault force found themselves freed from the threat to their rear, and hurled themselves with fresh courage upon the enemy.

>And so, as became clear afterwards, it was Philopoemen’s action which was principally responsible for the success of the attack on Eucleidas’ position.

>The story goes that after the battle Antigonus, who was disposed to chaff Alexander, the commander of the cavalry, asked him why he

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.