My cat, JOJO, fighting Dio (circa, 1886). Tis a purrfect parody. Anime: Jojoโ€™s bizarre adventures. Pun Clarification: Hamon is a fighting energy in the anime, you can see that the pun was replacing the word Salmon.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JamJamCuddlyLamb
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.

My thoughts are with his family.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18k
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13k
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SocialPerformer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor.

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8k
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Weebs be like
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Amp3rsand_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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One of my boy scouts asked me, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"

I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but Iโ€™m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, โ€œConstipationโ€? Well it doesnโ€™t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said โ€œNo, doc, itโ€™s dis knee.โ€

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donโ€™t cause reactions, after all.

Whatโ€™s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why canโ€™t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donโ€™t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I canโ€™t stop reading books with female protagonists! Iโ€™m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fightโ€ฆ 21.

My friend told me, โ€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!โ€ So I said, โ€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!โ€

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondโ€ฆ ionic bond. โ€œTaken, not shared.โ€ What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santaโ€™s sleigh cost? $0, itโ€™s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

Iโ€™m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iโ€™m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatโ€™s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatโ€™s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kinjago
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Entertainment puns

I have two favorite titles that are extremely clever puns.

โ€œShawn the Sheepโ€ โ€œDexterโ€

โ€œShawn the Sheepโ€ is a sly play on the dialect of the characters in the animation. โ€œShawnโ€ and โ€œshornโ€ have the same pronunciation in the dialect of the outskirts of Bristol, UK.

โ€œDexterโ€ is a wonderful Latin pun. โ€œDexterโ€ is the word for โ€œrightโ€ and โ€œSinisterโ€ is the implied compliment, the word for โ€œleftโ€ in Latin. Dexter is a series about a serial killer who only murders those guilty of crimes. His name in Latin implies he is the opposite of sinister, right or just.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/serendipindy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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[REQUEST] Username Pun

Hi guys, I need to change my username online (mostly used in games) as it's not really something unique ( came from a book I read when I was younger ).

I'm trying to find something quite funny, with plays on words for example. But english isn't my native language and I find it quite hard ! So I'm asking you guys to help me :) You're the best for that imho !

If you could help me find something mixing music (percussions/drums), sciences (my field of study, physics to be more precise), beer and animals maybe (?) (because I like that !)

I think this is possible to find something using some science-specific noun and something else. But I can't seem to find one that suits me :(

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PRD-dat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
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Stolen from a friends Facebook post

OK... so did you ever notice how every time you spend 4 days alone in the woods and you make it out without a scratch or even a mosquito bite, and you're feeling all peaceful and relaxed and at one with the universe, you're not home 20 minutes and unloading the back of your truck when you slam your right shin into the trailer hitch... and amid the flashing white stars around you, your fists clench, your teeth grit, your body tenses and every "mean, nasty and ugly" word you ever read, heard, uttered or even imagined ("Wait... is #*&%#@!!! even a word??? Oh what the heck? It works!") goes tearing through your brain.... and eventually it passes and you keep working, surprised you're not even limping and it doesn't hurt more than it does... and almost an hour later, when you're finished and getting undressed to take your first hot shower in days, you see a lump on your shin the size of Rhode Island... and the first image that pops into your head is John Merrick yelling "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!... in fact, it literally looks like a second knee on your right leg... so you spend the rest of the evening keeping it elevated and icing it on and off, alternating between a blue gel pack and a bag of frozen peas.... and when you go to bed, you keep the gel pack on while you read and then take it off before you go to sleep... and then you wake up around 3AM and decide to check your shin and the swelling has gone down quite a bit... but since you still have several hours before you get up, you decide to ice it again... but the gel pack on the floor is no longer cold so you get up, walk to the kitchen and open the fridge... and after taking a bite of leftover pizza from last night (because... well, you're here and what the heck?), you go into the freezer, grab the bag of frozen peas and take them back to bed with you... but they're all frozen into one big solid ball and well, that won't do... so you lay the bag on the bed to pound it once or twice to break them up, but instead the bag bursts open and suddenly there are frozen peas sprayed all over the bed and rolling onto the floor... and all those words from yesterday come rushing back into your head as you kneel to gather them all up... but suddenly your anger completely vanishes and you can't help laughing to yourself as you think, "gee, I can't remember the last time I pea'd the bed in the middle of the night"???

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Markwittz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
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Got my girlfriend with this one late last night.

Me: "What's the other name for cantaloupe?"

GF: "Cantaloupe. The animal is called Antelope."

Me: "Cantaloupe is also the word used for someone who can't run away and get married."

GF: "Who's running away and getting married!?"

Me: "Not me, because I can't elope."

I laughed hysterically at my own joke, she laughed and also hit me (playfully). But she was also not impressed.

(Rock Melon was what I was thinking of.)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Erebus495
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
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My Spanish professor got the entire class today.

She was talking about how the words for animal sounds are different in Spanish (roosters go kikikuriki, etc.) and a student asked of the animals sound different in Mexico and without missing a beat the professor just replied: "Yeah! They speak Spanish!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nastynate66
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2016
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Got my wife twice on Google Hangouts

(we just found out that little animations happen when you type certain words, both of us are typing "yay" to try to make it happen again)

Her: Yay! Yay? YaY yaY

Me: I feel like we're trying to summon Beetlejuice.

Her: HAHAHA!!!! I'm laughing at my desk now!


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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chalklitt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2015
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