Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread

D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raoul24601
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Did you hear that Julie Andrews will no longer be supporting cheap lipstick? It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell.

In a quote she said "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis".

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yougotyolks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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Whenever my son has to make a picture for homework, I always make sure he signs his name last

Because Andrew is a lot shorter than Andrawing

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Julie Andrews will not endorse that popular vibrant shade of lipstick. She says it breaks too easily and gives her bad breath. Her official statement on this........

The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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I used to listen to Nate Ruess, Jack Antonoff, and Andrew Dost

I had so much fun. back then

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NamelessMarkus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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My dad has Andrew Luck as his Fantasy Football Quaterback

It's been 14 weeks of luck puns, typically along the lines of "I can't lose. I've got Luck on my side." Or "Guess my team is just Luck-ier than yours."

He laughs every time.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/csjo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2014
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Your first name can highly influence your chances for pregnancy.

Like a Sophia has higher chance of getting pregnant in comparison of an Andrew.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/markandor_001
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Pun...der the sea, and other pun videos with Andrew Huang youtube.com/watch?v=MmtUZ…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copiouscuddles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2015
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What's the opposite of luck?

Andrew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadeTreeMechanix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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Andrew Luck "Feels Deflated" Being out of the Playoffs

This guy. We may have the NFL's Dad Joke MVP.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onyxsamurai
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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My whole life is a joke.. really πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

So my mother was going for a theme with my brothers and I; all of our names would start with the letter D, however my name is Andrew.. see the joke is my brothers names are (in order) Damien, Devon, [and Drew][Andrew] so there you go

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grundy-Buns
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Dad texting Mom from new number

Dad: Hello Mom: Who are you? Dad: Andrew Mom: And? Dad: ...rew

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Marvel hired a new comic book artist, her name is An. They told her to create a new character.

She called him Andrew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nogxx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Someone posted this picture to r/unexpected but honestly it has a better home here in r/dadjokes

Don't you think? http://imgur.com/RpK3CJK

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πŸ‘€︎ u/de_baser
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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Mary had a baby bear...

To which she was so kind,

And everywhere that Mary went,

You could see her bear behind.

Dad and Gramps love this one.

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sackferret
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
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30 Skeleton puns. Can you handle the skull rattling mayhem?

The Duke of Dance: If i don't stop soon, you're really gonna have a bone to pick with me.

The Duke of Dance: I need to stop being such a numbskull.

The Duke of Dance: help.

Sans: I gotta write these down.

The Duke of Dance: I don't have enough backbone to deal with my own shit

The Duke of Dance: but that's tibea expected.

Sans: I find this humerus.

The Duke of Dance: damn

The Duke of Dance: stole my next one.

The Duke of Dance: I'm not fibulaing you when i say, i'm running out of material. I'm really trying to think of more puns here, but i'm patellaing you, i'm out.

Sans: I don't even know this many bone names.

The Duke of Dance: My cranium is empty. i'm running bone-dry here.

The Duke of Dance: But you'r quite sternum in your wanting of these puns.

The Duke of Dance: don't worry, i'll stop temporalily. Not really tho.

The Duke of Dance: I'm taking these puns to the maxilla.

Sans: Can you make a pelvis pun?

The Duke of Dance: Not really. I can't think of any. So no hip hip hooray here.

Sans: That was alright.

The Duke of Dance: Are you having a femury time?

The Duke of Dance: I find myself sacruming to the need to make puns.

The Duke of Dance: helpican'tstop

Sans: I'm having a pun time.

The Duke of Dance: I'm gonna turbinate my puns, cuz i'm on my last leg-bones here.

The Duke of Dance: i'm getting desperate, you can tell.

The Duke of Dance: I didn't name a specific bone.

The Duke of Dance: Which is almost completely mandableitory.

The Duke of Dance: I have made more puns tonight than i have in a LONG time.

The Duke of Dance: Throw me a bone here, have i made enough skeleton puns?

Sans: There will never be enough skeleton puns. Mind makin' a list for me?

The Duke of Dance: Do

The Duke of Dance: Do you want me to write everything i just said down for you?

The Duke of Dance: I'm quivering at the thought of coming up with more skeleton puns.

Sans: I don't see any arrows.

Sans: Don't be a lazy bones, come up with more.

The Duke of Dance: I'll see you later, my vertebrah.

Sans: Have you any backbone?

The Duke of Dance: I already made that one.

The Duke of Dance: :3

Sans: SCREW IT, I'M MAKING ANOTHER

The Duke of Dance: Not so easy coming up with fresh material, is it?

The Duke of Dance: Also, "quiver" is another name for one of your joints.

The Duke of Dance: I'm just really looking at medical sites for this shit.

Sans: CURSE YOU GOOGLE.

The Duke of Dance: it's tibea expected. <Favorite skeleton pun, using it again

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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Got my coworker as she was looking to plug in her internet

Coworker comes in holding an ethernet cord and asks if we have a jack in this office.

"Nope. It's just me, Andrew, and Jet."

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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