American dogs pants while British dogs trousers
“You’re pretty Fahrenheit.”
Credit goes to my friend who made the joke
I'm impressed!
The British man says "You need to do us all a favour and honour people of colour". The American says "No U".
A British man and an American man are talking about boobs. The American man asks "What's your favorite cup size? A, B, C, or D?" The British man shakes his head and says "None of them, I prefer a T Cup"
I'm not saying I'll watch it. But there's been wurst casting.
Sharon is Karen
I guess they drank the t
Said by a British chemist: "I'll kick your arsenic!"
Said by an American chemist: "I'll kick your astatine!"
The american dogs go bark bark, the Scandinavian dogs go bjeff bjeff and the british dogs go bruv bruv.
Because all the other letters are Not-Cs
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...£380."
"I refuse to pay," I told him.
"You have to," he insisted.
"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."
So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me bloody, bruised and beaten.
He said, "£380. Cough it up."
"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
Well, he sure doesn't want to be spotted
During dinner, I compared how Son #2 [4yo] was eating his spaghetti to an anteater. This sparked the following conversation.
Son #2: "What if I really was an ant?"
Son #1 [7yo]: "Then you wouldn't really eat very much spaghetti. Ants eat just a little because they're so small."
Me: "Well, did you know it's pretty likely that, eventually, your sister will grow up to be an aunt?"
Daughter [5yo]: "What?"
Me: "Yeah, all it'll take is for one of you boys to have a kid. Then, she'll turn into an aunt."
[Kids look confused. Son #1 has worked out the pun, is rolling eyes.]
Wife: "He's right. We helped do it to Auntie Leah."
[It clicks.]
Daughter: "Oooooh, Daaad."
Because it's not E.
"Why wasn't the document allowed at the children's party?"
Because he was a PDF File!
GF: I like your forearms.
Me: I only have two.
I had to explain it, but then she slapped her forehead. I know, she only has one.
So, my mother is British, and my dad was studying in the UK (he's American) when they met.
Dad: So... do you have any American in you?
Mom: No..
Dad: Would you like one?
