Alouatta Arctoidea Puns

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Infraorder Simiiformes

Parvorder Platyrrhini

Superfamily Ceboidea

Family Callitrichidae: marmosets and tamarins

Genus Callithrix

Buffy-tufted marmoset (Callithrix aurita)

Buffy-headed marmoset (Callithrix flaviceps)

White-headed marmoset (Callithrix geoffroyi)

Common marmoset (Callithrix jacchus)

Wied's marmoset (Callithrix kuhlii)

Black-tufted marmoset (Callithrix penicillata)

Genus Mico

Rio Acari marmoset (Mico acariensis)

Silvery marmoset (Mico argentatus)

Gold-and-white marmoset (Mico chrysoleuca)

Emilia's marmoset (Mico emiliae)

Santarem marmoset (Mico humeralifera

Roosmalens' dwarf marmoset (Mico humilis)

Hershkovitz's marmoset (Mico intermedia)

White marmoset (Mico leucippe)

Black-headed marmoset (Mico nigriceps)

Manicore marmoset (Mico manicorensis)

Marca's marmoset (Mico marcai)

Maués marmoset (Mico mauesi)

Black-tailed marmoset (Mico melanura)

Rondon's marmoset (Mico rondoni)

Satéré marmoset (Mico saterei)

Genus Cebuella

Pygmy marmoset (Cebuella pygmaea)

Genus Leontocebus: saddle-back tamarins

Cruz Lima's saddle-back tamarin, (Leontocebus cruzlimai)

Brown-mantled tamarin (Leontocebus fuscicollis)

Lesson's saddle-back tamarin, (Leontocebus fuscus)

Illiger's saddle-back tamarin, (Leontocebus illigeri)

Red-mantled saddle-back tamarin, (Leontocebus lagonotus)

Andean saddle-back tamarin, (Leontocebus leucogenys)

Black-mantled tamarin (Leontocebus nigricollis)

Geoffroy's saddle-back tamarin, (Leontocebus nigrifrons)

Golden-mantled tamarin (Leontocebus tripartitus)

Weddell's saddle-back tamarin, (Leontocebus weddelli)

Genus Leontopithecus: lion tamarins

Superagui lion tamarin (Leontopithecus caissara)

Golden-headed lion tamarin (Leontopithecus chrysomelas)

Black lion tamarin (Leontopithecus chrysopygus)

Golden lion tamarin (Leontopithecus rosalia)

Genus Saguinus

Pied tamarin (Saguinus bicolor)

Geoffroy's tamarin (Saguinus geoffroyi)

Emperor tamarin (Saguinus imperator)

Mottle-faced tamarin (Saguinus inustus)

White-lipped tamarin (Saguinus labiatus)

White-footed tamarin (Saguinus leucopus)

Martins's tamarin (Saguinus martinsi)

Red-handed tamarin (Saguinus midas)

Moustached tamarin (Saguinus mystax)

Black tamarin (Saguinus niger)

Cotton-top tamarin or Pinché tamarin (Saguinus oedipus)

Red-capped tamarin (Saguinus pileatus)

Genus Callimico

Goeldi's marmoset (Callimico goeldii)

Family Cebidae: capuchins and squirrel monkeys

Genus Cebus: gracile capuchins

Ecuadorian white-fronted capuchin (Cebu

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Buenosdillas

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

Why

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

“BOOM”?!

"That's what they're fighting about."

free

Because his Visa didn’t work.

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

Posting...!: I was going to make this a bigger thread of "Which Species of Faunus Are the Cast?" but most of them were pretty obvious or too vague.

For instance, Blake is pretty obviously a domestic cat. While she is obviously a feline in general, we can eliminate a lot of options based off her ears. Pantherinae ("Big Cats" like lions, tigers, snow leopards, etc.) all have round ears with the exception of the Clouded Leopard, which has a very distinct color scheme Blake lacks. This means she must be a Felinae member ("Small Cats", cheetahs, pumas, bobcats, lynxes, wildcats, etc.) and more specifically not a cheetah, puma, or lynx because they either have round ears too or Blake lacks one of their distinct features. Further traits down the list include lacking ear tufts like a sandcat and Pallas's cat, patching like a ocelot, and so on. In the end the only type of feline she could be would be genus "Felis", which contains the wildcat and its domestic variant; of which only the latter has a black color morph.

If one is curious about Velvet, her lack of ear tufts and slight bend in the ears suggest she is a domestic European rabbit. If she were, say, a hare or jackrabbit her ears would be much straighter and have pointed tips with tufts on the ends.

Others like Tyrian are too indistinct to be able to tell. I could go in depth and state his heavy use of a stinger implies he's from a genus of scorpion that is uses its stinger more to kill and or disable prey and thus not a larger species that primarily uses their pincers like the emperor scorpion; but that's a bit too much.

So instead I'll look into the one reoccurring shown faunus who's a bit more vague than Blake and Velvet, but not as much as Tyrian. That being Sun Wukong. Now just to make things a bit more interesting I'm going to look at more than just the fact he has a tail and more at his entire set of characteristics, tail type, coloration, and dietary preference.

Sun has

-Yellow fur

-A prehensile tail strong enough to hold him up

-Fondness for bananas

-Able to see fairly well at night

-Still very comfortable moving on land

Now let's get the odder one out of the way. Bananas are a type of fruit originally from south and central Asia, but have been introduced elsewhere. Some primates, primarily the ones most commonly eating leaves and insects such as many types of lemurs, tarsiers, and the slow loris mostly ignore such sources be they native or introduced; with species that are alread

A happy Uncle.....