Cows have to stand all day and stand while sleeping at night
Their legs have to be pretty beefy to do that
I stayed up all night, wondering where the sun went.
And then it dawned on me.
What's Irish and stays out all night?
Gabe was muttering incoherently. He'd been up all night studying for the history exam.
I poked my head in his room, and he was blathering about how he wanted to quit school and be a truck driver.
"I'm gonna get one of those big beautiful Peterbuilts, with all the running lights everywhere. Or maybe a Mack with an extended cab..."
"Better brew him a pot of coffee," I told his mother. "The final is in a half hour, and he's only semi-conscious."
I stayed up all night to watch the sunrise.
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and said, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...
Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.
I never really knew my dad. Mom said he would be out at the bank all night.
She said he was a real loaner.
Y’all think last night’s debate was bad...
To this day the Lincoln-Douglas debate of ‘58 is literally unwatchable.
My sister asked me to keep my nephew from playing games on his tablet all night. I suggested he builds a fort with his cousin.
He instantly replied, “but mom said I couldn’t play Fort Night”
(He’s gonna be a great dad some day)
I stayed up all night trying to remember her name
What kind of girl is creamy and keeps you up all night?
I have a cricket in my heater closet who sings all night long
I mean, he's no Lionel Richie, but he's not half bad.
I dreamt I was chasing a car all night
Despite curfews in place around the county, cops are out all night clubbing.
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck drivers they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...
How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
I’ll be here all night ladies and gentlemen
My mate, Skippy, is a bit of a nerd. Just last night he spent 2 hours telling me about all the characters named Kang.
For instance, Kang the Conqueror is a fictional supervillain appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. In 2009, Kang was ranked as IGN's 65th Greatest Comic Book Villain of All Time
or
In the Simpsons , Kang is a Rigellian from Rigel 7. He and his sister Kodos continuously try to take over Earth and are usually seen attacking Springfield.
Kang and Kodos have a lot of space weaponry at hand and have their own spaceship. They speak the Rigellian language, which, by coincidence, is identical to English. Although they look identical, Kang has a deeper voice than Kodos.
I guess you could say Skippy is a Kang Guru...
I spent all night trying come up with a dad joke
When suddenly it dawned on me
Twas the night before the and all through the house...
Not a creature was stirring, because somebody stole all the spoons.
I arrived early at the restaurant last night. “Do you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. “Not at all” I replied.
“Good, take these lasagnas to table 6” he said.
I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered all my blankets were missing.
This guy comes up to me at the karaoke bar and asks, "Are you the guy who spends all night singing Neil Diamond songs?"
What’s the best kind of booze if you want to dance all night long?
Me and my wife were on the sofa last night, getting all hot and steamy..
She whispered in my ear "Shall we take this upstairs"?
I replied "Go on then, you grab this end and I'll get the other"
And all through the night
I once stayed up all night trying to figure out where the Sun went
I was up all night wondering where the sun went
I spent all night wondering where the sun went...
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went after it set.
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
What's Irish and stays out all night?
I once stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went
I was up all night, wondering where the sun went
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone.
And then it dawned on me.
I stayed up all night trying to figure out what happened to the sun.
I once stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
I woke up in the middle of the night and freaked out when I noticed all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun was
And then it dawned on me.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went
I spent all night wondering where the sun whent.
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