I’ve been trying all morning to cook up an original egg-based pun.

But I just can’t crack it.

πŸ‘︎ 201
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schwano
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2023
🚨︎ report
I cracked open an egg and all this yellow goo came out.

I was like: is this some kind of yolk?!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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Man all these egg jokes

They really crack me up

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ianhurst11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Made breakfast for the family today and accidentally spilled maple syrup all over the eggs benedict...

#SAPPY HOLLANDAISE!

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tricki_miraj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2022
🚨︎ report
If you took all the bald eagle eggs currently on earth and lined them up end to end.

You'd get in big trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poopybuttfacehead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2022
🚨︎ report
Where do all the eggs hide when it's cold?

The eggloo

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sovLegend
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2022
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007 Never colors all his eggs at once

He likes to dye another day

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2022
🚨︎ report
My ex-wife ditched me because I was going a bit bald.

I didn't care anyway, it was hair loss, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 233
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chetanpdeshmukh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2023
🚨︎ report
Why did the French chef only use one egg in his recipe?

Because one egg is un Ε“uf for him!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AthiestMessiah
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2023
🚨︎ report
I might not be the sharpest knife in the light socket.

But at least my elevator goes all the way to my tool shed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2023
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I keep getting broken eggshells in my 100% guaranteed unbroken egg cartons.

I guess these eggs aren't all they're cracked up to be.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Upvoter_NeverDie
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2023
🚨︎ report
I gave someone a 50% tip today

Don't put all your eggs

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoboTicks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2022
🚨︎ report
My son was crying today because he spilled his scrambled eggs all over his art supplies.

He was having an eggs and stencils crisis.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lorinar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you calls car made of eggs?

A yolkswagon

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AcidBath_Rocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2023
🚨︎ report
Inflation is so high...

I just bought a pair of nickel loafers

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2023
🚨︎ report
Easter

only on Easter do I want to see all my eggs in one basket

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdksportsnut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2023
🚨︎ report
So I was scrambling some eggs this morning and if you know me, I like my eggs real scrambled. So I was going at these eggs hard, using all of my muscle to whisk these bad boys, when suddenly my arm goes numb and I passed out.

I guess you could say I β€œover-eggxerted” myself.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KekMudkip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you seen the price of eggs?

We’re going to have to paint potatoes for Easter y’all.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LakeMIBeachbum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2023
🚨︎ report
What did the duck say when he dropped all the eggs

Oh goodness, I hope I didn’t quack any

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/benharlow77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Just a friendly reminder that you are an orange soda and a branch.

Fantastick...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nottherealisbha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2022
🚨︎ report
Any other job drinks?
πŸ‘︎ 633
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlvinzDrims
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2022
🚨︎ report
This is not a dad joke per se... but as a dad, I imagine that many dads will get a kick out of it.

So, there's this guy on Tiktok who has been making fun of the French language... becasue sooooooo many words sound similar. So I was playing in google translate and came up with this outlandish sentence: Wait Tintin, your aunt and your uncle take so much of your time, you have so many horseflies and tuna in your tent.

When you hear the french translation you may get as much of a giggle out of it as I did. πŸ˜‚

https://translate.google.com/?sl=fr&tl=en&text=Attends%20Tintin%2C%20ta%20tante%20et%20ton%20tonton%20t%27en%20tant%20tends%20ton%20temps%20tant%2C%20t%27en%20a%20autant%20de%20taons%20et%20thon%20dans%20ta%20tente.&op=translate

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ericmbailey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2022
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
🚨︎ report
First Day as a Truck Stop Waitress

After a long night of driving, a trucker pulls into his favorite truck stop for some breakfast. He sits down at the counter and the waitress asks, "What can I get you?"

The driver says, "I'll have two flat tires, a pair of new headlights, and some windshield wipers."

The waitress had no clue what that order meant but not wanting to look naΓ―ve, she takes the order back to the cook to see if he can help. Sure enough, the cook new exactly what the order meant. The cook replies, " Your customer wants two pancakes, two eggs sunny side up, and two slices of bacon."

Feeling relieved, the waitress goes back to the driver and promptly hands him a bowl of baked beans. The driver looking confused says, "This isn't what I ordered." The waitress smartly replies, "I just thought that while you wait for all those parts to come in, you might also like to gas up!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspenTD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2023
🚨︎ report
All Pokemon trainers take their eggs the same way

Sunny Psyduck

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeywithanr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Where do baby pickles come from?

The dill-livery room

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dodfunk
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2022
🚨︎ report
How are fathers like eggs?

Dad yolks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stayhomedaddy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2022
🚨︎ report
Why can't you make a dinosaur omelet?

They're eggstinct!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryConfusedBee
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2022
🚨︎ report
The Sinking of the Titanic: A Global Tragedy

Around 1910, a French chef did a series of reckless experiments with boiled egg whites and other items, thus accidentally creating a new condiment. He named it after his hometown, and so the new confection became known as mayonnaise.

One of the first fans of the new confection was Mexico’s ambassador to France, who wrote home about this marvelous new product, and so an enormous demand for mayonnaise developed across Mexico. But the demand could not be met; the chef refused to share the recipe with anyone, and the logistics of keeping the product cold while in transit from France to any part of Mexico proved very difficult.

An especially ambitious entrepreneur named Julio Gomez offered a solution: instead of sailing from France directly to Mexico, through the warm waters where the unrefrigerated mayonnaise would likely spoil, it could be shipped from France to the northern United States, a voyage that would be much colder and therefore preserve the mayonnaise much better. Once unloaded in New York, it would only need a few days to reach Mexico by train, and so Gomez arranged for special refrigerated rail cars to transport it.

The financial and logistical difficulties of this shipping method were daunting, but Gomez was more than equal to the task. He had hoped to begin the shipping in late 1911 to take advantage of the cold weather, but what with one thing and another he was forced to delay until the following spring.

But April in the North Atlantic is still cold enough, and so Gomez went ahead with his plan. He secured his supply of mayonnaise in Paris, and got it to Liverpool in record time. From there he managed to get it into the cargo of a passenger liner that was leaving for New York that very day, and arranged for the rail cars to meet the shipment in New York. Word of this development reached Mexico, where it was received with great joy and anticipation.

Much to Gomez’s misfortune, the ship in question was none other than the Titanic. The importation scheme was a total loss, and no further attempt to import mayonnaise to Mexico was made for decades after.

Due to the rushed and chaotic nature of Gomez’s operation, it took some weeks to confirm that his cargo of mayonnaise had been on the Titanic. Once the news was confirmed, Mexico’s hopes were crushed and there was a period of low-key national mourning.

The tragic loss of the Titanic shocked and saddened people all over the world. Mass funerals for the dead passengers were held in New York, L

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2022
🚨︎ report
A paragraph of cooking/food based puns

Yam know, I know alot of ice food plums. I can dumpling em on you right now desprite the pickle I'm in. They're pretea cheesey but they get cheddar! There's eggndless pastabilities when it cucumbers to word plate. I doughn't meat to egg you on butter you should really try it! Just lettuce loose. Mustard up the courage to ketchup with the times and mayoby relish in the potgress of bready made humor! I know it mayo seem fishy butter you'll loaf it! I know you vegemight not carrot about puns but they're truly bratworth it! Clam on, don't be a chicken! Don't let your creams be creams! You donut know what you're mincing! Yah goatta be nuts not to try it once! I meat, water you doing right now anywaffer? Once you do, orange you be glad you tried? I'll even pear you up with someone you can make grape puns with! I'm sugar you'll be able to bake olive the amazucchini ones I'm saying right now! There'll be so much to tacobout. Though, I hope you don't have any beef. I don't think I'm stroganoff to stop boba you if you fight. I won't be able to cashew . Cerealously. Soooda...I guess you batter be ice and things will be all peachy! Oh to be a pizza the fun.. Man, I can go on but I'm dragonfruitn' this out and I avocadon't wanna come off as souper corny. So, lettuce toast to the cake world of puns and mango on like never before!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaptopArmageddon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What does satan have for breakfast

Deviled eggs

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call people who work on chicken farms?

Chicken tenders

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anonilla
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2022
🚨︎ report
My kids are usually really noisy when they eat their Easter candy, but not this year.

I didn't hear a single Peep.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2022
🚨︎ report
Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

If it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan…

πŸ‘︎ 434
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CHH_96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I like telling dad jokes

He laughs at them sometimes

πŸ‘︎ 864
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeshareGulags
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I need cheese puns by friday!!!

My teacher loves egg and cheese puns and friday is our last class. Thx all!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dilly_Dally8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2022
🚨︎ report

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