Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?
You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film
Say what you will about anti-vaxxers, flat earthers and young earth Creationists, at least they all have a good conscience...
...especially as they constantly come out with tons of con-science.
Think about all the things that you forgot...
You know, I’m really getting into all this stuff going on about Moderna, Pfizer, BioNTech and AstraZeneca...
I find it absolutely vaccinating
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?
It’s thinly sliced cabbage
What do you call two people talking about their Chuck Taylor All Star shoes?
Did you hear about all the Bears getting sick in China?
I was going to tell you all about my most recent fart..
But that's behind me now.
I want to tell you all about a girl that only ate plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What do you get if you have a subsciption to a magazine that is all about fathers?
Did you hear about all the competition in the outdoor pickled cabbage contest?
when all you have in mind while learning chemistry is about making puns
Have you heard about the guy who lost all his left side (of his body)?
Well, he’s all right now.
Have you heard about all the sick hams?
Don’t worry, they are cured now.
Did you all hear about the drug bust at the bug spray factory?
Police said it was the greatest Raid ever!
If you think about it, we all put fake excrement in our hair
Did you all hear about the midget, psychic that robbed a bank?
He's a small medium at large.
Did you hear about all the hens attacking the farmer inside the hen house?
Did you hear about the guy who spilled Parmesan all over his Apple computer?
Now he just has Mac and cheese
Did you ever wonder about all of those screwdrivers?
Did they really all belong to Phillip?
Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine?
He said “i cant believe its not Buddha”
Did you hear about all the sea birds going extinct?
Have you heard about all the people driving to Alaska during the Pandemic?
Yeah, they think they have a "Stay in Nome order"
Did you hear about the herbs that were phoning everyone, trying to panic-buy all different sizes of measuring cups?
Desperate thymes call for disparate measurers.
You all must have heard about the man who invented the knock knock joke.
Well, he won the No-bell prize.
Did you hear about the virus that's killing of all the furrys ?
It's called the cOWOnavirus .
"Did you hear about the new zombie game that all they do is watch dough rise?"
"It's called Bread Rising."
Did you hear about the team of white guys that tried to compete in an all vietnamese soccer league?
They didnt Nguyen a single game
Did you hear about the drummer who decided to name all his daughters the same name?
Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.
Did you hear about the man who stole all four wheels off a police cruiser?
The cops worked tirelessly to find him!
Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?
I didn't think so, it is on a knead to dough basis.
Did you hear about the Panda stealing all those plants?
She was a real bamboozler...
Everyone is afraid of snakes and spiders and sharks but you have all forgotten about the scariest animal of all.
Did you hear about the hot cocoa who lost all his money?
Dont know if you've all heard, but there's been an email going around about canned meats. Whatever you do, do NOT open it...
You know, with all this talk about how cow farts are polluting the environment...
Ranchers really should start installing CATTLE-itic converters.
Did you all hear about the newly discovered Dinosaur that ate everything in it's path?
Did you hear about the man who's whole left side got cut off? He's all right now.
Have you all heard about the movie "Constipation" yet?
No? Probably because it hasn't come out yet.
Have you heard about the videogame that’s all the rage with anti vaxxer’s kids?
Have you heard about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? It's ok, he's all right now.
You can borrow just about any Disney/Pixar movie from Rick Astley... all but one:
He’s never gonna give you Up.
Did you hear about the new sitcom reboot with an all Hispanic cast?
We all know about Murphy’s Law – Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?
It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
I want to tell you all about this girl who only eats plants...
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
Did you ever wonder about all of those screwdrivers?
Do they really belong to Philip?
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