Haven't seen anyone post all year!
(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)
In lockdown, I decided to take up a new activity called 'quiet tennis'. It's like normal tennis but without the racket.
I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
It is "soda pressing".
They say she had a mean flow...
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
And today, 4 21.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
They said she had a mean flow.....
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
Doc: Sounds like tacocardia.
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..
Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.
That’s the bear minimum.
people were called Lance a lot.
You officially hit rock bottom
And then you will all be sorry.
Now it’s syncing.
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
He didn’t get along with his moth-er-in-law.
...sails are going through the roof.
A taxi
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Wookie mistake.
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
They'd think something was wrong with me.
but you guys didnt like it
Because you can’t ‘C’ in the dark
Now that I started listening to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Left me with a trident
They take everything literally.
I got him a Budweiser, but he didn't like it. So I drank it. I tried him on Coors and he hated that too. So I drank that too. Same thing with Guiness and Whiskey. I was doubling up on everything and he was happy with Apple juice.
By the time we started on vodkas, I was way too drunk to push his pram home.
They're extinct.
For real tho. Donate your organs. It saved my dads life 😁
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
It was a wookie mistake
gorilla warfare.
