While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.

I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jHugley328
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:

"No it's not, it's MUNday!" The apprentice has now become the master.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife and son had the stomach virus just the day before his first birthday party

I told them "you better not be party poopers tomorrow"!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpknives
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2016
🚨︎ report
[request] Prom help?

So I'm asking my coworker to prom tomorrow, we both work at a grocery store (she's a cashier and I'm her bagger), all I can think of for a sign right now is something along the lines of "bagging a prom date". Can anyone think of any better grocery store puns for an ask?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wrety94
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
My daughter is leaving for college tomorrow…

I was helping my daughter pack her car today, getting ready to leave tomorrow morning. She had a set of plastic stacking drawers wedged into her car, but in getting it there, it had come apart some, so we had to take it out to tape it together better. There was a black plastic bag leaning against it, and in all the wriggling, the drawers tore a small hole in the plastic bag. After taping the drawers, I noticed a small piece of the black plastic stuck to the drawers. I took it off and tried to give it to my daughter, saying, "Here's your hole," but of course she didn't want it, so I put it (you see this coming already, don't you?) in my pocket, and said, "Now I have a hole in my pocket." Her eye-roll was hilarious.

(Does anyone else remember a similar bit from the "Yellow Submarine" movie?)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Telluride, CO

Convo with my roommate a few minutes ago...

Me: Hey, want to get Curry n Kebab for lunch tomorrow?

RM: E's picking me up for Telluride at one tomorrow so I probably won't have time.

Me: Well you better Telluride that they gonn' have to wait for you to eat ya curry!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigreddmachine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
The best dad jokes are the ones you laugh at more than the audience...

I didn't come up with this but its been flying around reddit for a while...

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?' The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.

Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'

The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.

The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday.

Father,' replied the son,I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.

The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday.

Father,' said the son to this,I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?'

`A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed.

I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Sven
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
🚨︎ report
He gets me every time!!! Every time!

Dad: I can't wait till tomorrow!

Me (or anyone else willing to ask for that matter): Oh ya, why, what's tomorrow??

Dad: Nothing, I just get better lookin' every day!

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djmiked1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad's on fire tonight.

I was having dinner with he and my mom, and the subject of my new job came up. I told them that I had to go take the drug test tomorrow, and he, with no hesitation, said, "Well you better go home and study, then!"

Later we were talking about a nice looking Saab sedan we saw, and he said, "I once read a cover story about those. The magazine called it a Saab Story."

I love my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATCaver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad can't wait for tomorrow

If someone is around while my dad is looking at himself in the mirror as he's getting ready for the day (shaving, brushing teeth, etc.) he'll say "Wow, I can't wait until tomorrow." The person will say, "Why?" and he'll go "Because I just get better and better looking every day!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hemogoblins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2013
🚨︎ report
I can't wait for tomorrow

I was walking past the open bathroom door, and my dad was just inspecting his shaving job. As he rubbed his cheek, he said "I can't wait for tomorrow."

Why's that dad?

"Cuz I get better looking every day."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/squaretie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
🚨︎ report
Plural of Pepe is Pepperoni...

As a matter of fact, i just joined this sub today! And a few minutes ago, my dad came with a dad joke... timing couldn't be better!

Background: Tomorrow i'm going to Italy on and exchange trip. The guy i'm going to live with is named Pepe. I explained to my dad that there is also this other Italian guy named Pepe, who one of my friends is going to stay with. And here comes the gold, my dad simply replied: "If they are together can you then call them Pepperoni?" And it get's even better! "Or maybe even better, you could call them Pepsi!"

I have to admit that the Pepsi one made me smile...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pellep
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Do you have a name for this?

It's not a joke, and for now I'm calling it the "dad switcharoo." My dad would do this all the time. Here's my example:

My younger son does this funny thing with his eyes. I made him do it tonight at the dinner table real quick. Then my older son (WHO EATS NOTHING) said, "Dad I can do the eye trick that $youngerson does." Then I says to him I says, "You need to do the eating trick that $youngerson is doing."

Is there a better name for this? My dad would do things like:

Me (trying to stall before bed): "I'm just reading this real quick."
Dad: "Well read yourself into bed real quick, we have to wake up early tomorrow."

and so forth.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NiceGuyJoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
🚨︎ report
My Optimistic Dad.

"I can't wait til tomorrow"

Why?

"I get better looking every day!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.