Welcome to the Family Puns

At a wedding I had just met this guy Cory when he tells the waitress

Him: I need an extra plate for her (his daughter), I'm sharin'

Me: I thought you were Cory!

Fiance: "I'm feeling a little bit light headed." -proceeds to put head into the hands of my sister as if hands were a scale.

I clapped for about 20 seconds and then gave him a hug.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

Fathers day dinner tonight for my dad and my sister and family can't be there because of travel restrictions. I've organised life size cardboard cut outs of them and had my sister record a few dad jokes/puns. But I need help coming up with more ... the best, worst and cringiest are all welcome!

So far I have..
"I'm feeling a little flat"

"I'm board ... cardboard"

"You'd think my ears are painted on, You'll have to speak up"

"Can you believe someone told me I had the personality of cardboard"

https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv

Reddit admins have recently granted ownership of /r/BlackFathers to myself and a group of other Black/POC mods, and it is our intention to make this a positive and supportive community. This is a place where Black/POC fathers and their family, friends, and colleagues can find helpful resources, welcoming content, and a safe space to learn from each other and share our experience.

Content of all types are welcome so long as the subject/focus of the content is supportive of Black/POC fathers. We look forward to seeing you there.

So my family and I went to a local diner over the weekend and the ordering went like this.

Waitress: Hello everyone welcome to the Diner!

What are you guys having to eat this morning?

Mom: I'll get the hash with a side of bacon and two eggs please.

Waitress: how do you like your eggs?

Mom: Over easy please!

I chime in: I'll take the steak and eggs. Eggs over medium please!

look over at my dad and he's smirking and I can tell he's up to something

Waitress: and how about for the Dad?

Dad: I'll take the Country Fried Steak please.

Waitress: okay that comes with two sides, what would you like

Dad: I'll take the hash browns and eggs please.

He's smiling.

I'm thinking dad wtf are you doing with that face you're making right now. Please don't tell m you're going to

Waitress: okay Sir how would you like your eggs

Me thinking: OMFG I know wtf he's about to say. Don't you dare dad

Don't you fking dare

Waitress: Sir, how do you like your eggs? Is Over easy okay?

Dad: Over Here if you can.

> > > >

Dad and Mom are going nuts.

My brother and i have our head in hands.

God damnit Dad.

My sophomore year of college, my family brought me up to help with the move. We stop by a Waffle House near the university for breakfast and my dad says, "I didn't know you had a back school here." My mother and I both asked what he meant, although he only pointed to a poster.

"Welcome back students."

When I was on holiday with my family in England, as we pulled into Bakewell, my dad, as he always would do, turned around and gave us some background on the town we had just entered.

"Welcome to Bakewell, famous for it's tarts, there's two of them there! Hello girls!"