My wife shouted, "You need to do more chores around the house!" Groaning, I pleaded, "Can we change the subject?" She smiled and calmly replied...
"Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you."
Why can't we hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom
Because it has a silent pee.
I keep seeing the same joke that it takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh. Can we stop with the harassing of sea life and just...
We’re you aware that the NFL has a rule on professional athletes and the animals they can own as pets? They are prohibited from owning a duck as a pet!
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
Of course, this never happened, but we can dream!
Was so proud of my boys. I just asked them what we should call the can opener that just broke. I’m an instant they said, “A can’t opener?” They will be good dads someday!
A pic for anyone who wants to see it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/lum6ev/so_if_this_is_broken_would_it_now_be_a_cant_opener/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Technically we can all jump higher than a house..
Because houses can’t jump!
can we stop with the diarrhea jokes?
it's becoming a pain in the ass.
THIS is why we can't have nice things
My wife was fighting me about doing our kitchen in granite or laminate. She finally told me that we just can’t afford granite right now.
I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.
Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?
Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.
We can’t celebrate New Years because then...
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.
The election results have been un-presidented.
Hey dad, can we stop at the casino at the next exit?
Dad: Sure, why?
Son: I need to go to the bathroom and the sign says they have the best craps in the state.
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
I’m so glad 2020 is over, but I can’t believe we have to go through it again after 2021...
After all, it’s twenty twenty too
We can't let this year end!
Because that will mean 2021
They say for this Christmas we can meet up with 8 people without any problems
I don’t know 8 people without problems
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?
Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?
It’s thinly sliced cabbage
We're doing everything right, I don't understand why we can't make a baby.
Just thinking here but we can’t let 2020 end,
Does anyone know if we can start taking showers yet?
Or are we still just washing our hands?
Well we can't use tables due to lockdown.
I asked my dad, “Can we get some pets?”
My dad said, “No. Pets are just a step backwards.”
(My grandpa’s Joke) When we went to Costa Rica, we didn’t see one can
Not a joke: does anyone have any Dad jokes that I can use on my 5-year-old? I see maybe one joke per week on here that she would understand. Do we need a r/youngerdadjokes?
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
See, we can spell Australian
Can we stop it with the Covid-19 jokes?
I can’t stand people who say data we all know it’s pronounced...
We may not be able to seat you inside just now but we can supply some terrible puns.
“Dad, we hate when you do the grocery shopping because you always buy the cheapest lunch meat you can find.”
Had to tell my family we can't take the boat to the lake cause my truck broke down. Fortunately, avocado.
We get it, you can draw Drew.
At the end of the day we can say 2020 wasn't so bad.
Because hindsight is 2020.
Can we not make any egg related dad jokes on this sub
So Poland's dealing with a surge in the number of the novel coronavirus cases. Can we say that the Winged HusSARS arrived?
Can we stop circulating the same jokes over and over into the ground.
We get it, you can draw Drew.
Cop: Sit on that chair,so we can interrogate you.
Lawyer : (whispering) Deny everything.
Me : This isn't a chair.
The national coin shortage is a problem that we can solve if we all...
Be the change that we wanna see.
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong
But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
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