What do you call someone who’s paid to share videos of them self sneezing on social media?

An influenzer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmca420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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I tried donating blood today... NEVER AGAIN!!! Too many questions.

Like, "Who's blood is this?", "How did you get it?"

"Why is it in a bucket?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoMoreDays
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
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A communism joke isn’t funny

Unless everyone gets it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bo_hai
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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(Not an actual joke, but wanted to share)

I was recently at my brothers house and went into the bathroom and found this post and came out of the bathroom to my brother, his roommate and my gf (who is very tired of my antics) all sitting silently while he is playing a video game and the other two are scrolling. I recite the joke with a healthy pause before the punchline and my brother pauses his game and gets up from the couch to smoke a cigarette while I’m laughing hysterically. I then get up from the couch and follow him saying β€œNo wait, get it, because…” and it was the hardest I’ve laughed in a very long time

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2021
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First dad joke

Doctor: [Hands baby to new father] "I'm sorry to have to tell you sir, your wife didn't make it..."

New father: [Hands baby back to doctor] "Well give me the one that she did make then..."

(Sorry, completely stole this from a video some other dude made. But had to share it, as I thought it was hilarious...!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostBoyNav
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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Why do riot police arrive early to the protests?

... so they can beat the crowds!

Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Row199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take him on a piss up to Iceland. When asked why he said:

I want to wreck ya vic!

Why should you never let a man go swimming in Finland with weights on his ankles?

Coz He'll sinky

What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan?

Their Brunei

Catwoman bet her male counterpart he couldn't pronouce the capitol of Nepal. But cat man do.

Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks? Coz they warsaw.

I just came up with a cracking pun for Japan. Alas, all the wife could say was "What Tokyo so long?"

The ex Mrs McCartney got naked in East Germany in the 80s. She was known for years in the area as Bare-lin

Cheap flights to Russia still available! Book now! Everything Moscow!

The people of Bahamas think learning Capitol cities is Nassau important

The people of the Netherlands had a need to build a water driven power station as well as an overabundance of pork products. So they used 'Ams to Dam a river.

A husband and wife in the Phillipines were both very, very unwell. The woman was sick, but the man iller.

What's the average Senegalian's favoured mode of transport? Da car

Have you heard about the talking cat in Somalia that only throws insults? The Moggy Diss you

They are obsessed with John Cleese in Uruguay. They love a video of Fawlty towers almost as much as they love a Montevideo

People from Vietnam Hanoi the hell outta me

Rain storms are very rare in Zambia, but in Zimbabwe they Harera

Before you do a joke about Macedonia, let me Skopje right there

I've heard Swedish Ikea workers get stuff for free, they can just take Stockholm

If you are trying to eat Halal in Pakistan, Islamabad or good choice?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spoghead
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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I asked my dad how the turkey smelled...

He said, "I dunno, I guess with their beaks."

I found some other good ones on this video chain of dad jokes on hoop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielledaily
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
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