a LibDem, Labour and Tory MP walk in to an Edinburgh bar....

... "you know" says the bartender "we don't get many of your type around here".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KroyMortlach
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2015
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What does an Italian playing hide-and-seek say when he catches his friend, Tori?

Cacciatore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_Jingle_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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I had no choice in my birth.

I'm Mandy Tory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13toycar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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I named my daughter "Amanda Victoria" but i dont really want her to have a nickname.

Unfortunately i think it might be Manda tory

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombiepipes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Where do volcanoes go to the bathroom

The lava-tory

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrueCP5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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What's the most patriotic dish?

Chicken-Catch-a-Tory

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_Rinzler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Was drinking a milkshake...

Having lunch and milkshakes with the family

Me: Dammit, I think there's a hole in the side of my straw.

Dad: You think that's bad?! Mine's got one at the top and one at the bottom

Groans all round

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmycoola
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2014
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100 Paw-sitively Meow-nificent Cat Purr-ns Fur Mew to Use Whenev-fur Mew Need
  • Allow => A-meow
  • Apology => A-paw-logy
  • Appalling => A-paw-ling
  • Attitude => Cat-titude
  • Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
  • Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
  • Because => Be-claws
  • Before => Be-fur
  • Bother => Bo-fur
  • Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
  • Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
  • Catch => Cat-ch
  • Clever => Claw-ver
  • Confusing => Con-fur-sing
  • Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
  • Different => Dif-fur-rent
  • Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
  • Familiar => Fur-miliar
  • Feeling => Feline
  • For => Fur
  • For real => Fur real
  • Forever => Fur-ever
  • Forget => Fur-get
  • Fortunate => Fur-tunate
  • Forward => Fur-ward
  • Friend => Fur-end
  • Furious => Fur-ious
  • Further => Fur-ther
  • Get or Got => Cat
  • Help me out => Help meow-t
  • History => Hiss-tory
  • Hysterical => Hiss-terical
  • Inferior => In-fur-ior
  • Kidding me => Kitten me
  • Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
  • Literally => Litter-ally
  • Literature => Litter-a-ture
  • Lost => Claw-st
  • Lying => Lion
  • Magnificent => Meow-nificent
  • Marvellous => Meow-velous
  • Minimum => Mew-nimum
  • Misery => Mew-sery
  • Moment => Mew-ment
  • Mountain => Meow-ntain
  • Move => Mew-v
  • Music => Mew-sic
  • Musician => Meow-sician
  • Never => Nev-fur
  • New => Mew
  • Now => Meow
  • Over => Ov-fur
  • Paper => Pay-purr
  • Pardon me => Paw-don me
  • Pause => Paws
  • Perfect => Purr-fect
  • Perhaps => Purr-haps
  • Permission => Purr-mission
  • Person => Purr-son
  • Personal => Purr-sonal
  • Persuasion => Purr-suasion
  • Places => Purr-laces
  • Please => Paw-lease
  • Portable => Paw-table
  • Positive => Paw-sitive
  • Possibility => Paw-sibility
  • Possibly => Paw-sibly
  • Precious => Purr-ecious
  • Prefer => Paw-fer
  • Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
  • Pretty => Purr-ty
  • Priceless => Purr-iceless
  • Prince => Purr-ince
  • Princess => Purr-incess
  • Puns => Purr-ns
  • Purpose => Purr-pose
  • Referring => Re-fur-ing
  • Respond => Res-paw-nd
  • Simple => Sim-paw-le
  • Suffer => Suf-fur
  • Superior => Su-purr-ior
  • Tale => Tail
  • Talent => Tail-ent
  • Tell => Tail
  • That’s all => Cat’s all
  • Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
  • Very => Furry
  • Whenever => Whene-fur
  • Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
  • You => Mew
  • Apologize => A-paw-logize
  • First => Furr-st
  • How are you? => Meow are mew?
  • Morning => Meowrning
  • Phon
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyl327
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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My dad and my moms first meal together

My mom told me about the first time she ever cooked for dad. She cooked chicken cacciatore. She brought in the dish and set it on the table . My dad grabbed the serving spoon, and as he was filling his plate, he asked:

"The real question is did the chicken ever catch the Tory."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnSauced
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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My toddler dad joked me today...

Her name is Tori and it was around her nap time so I asked her: "Are you sleepy?" and she responded, "No, I'm Tori!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewgarrison
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
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What's that building?

Walking around campus today with my girlfriend

'Hey what's that building?'

'The observatory'

'Oh. Who's Tory and why are we observing her?'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kirkauburn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2016
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My dad told me this one the other day....

A woman gets pulled over by a police man. When the police officer comes up to her side door, she asks, "Do you have my ticket to the Police Ball?". The officer is confused and asks, "Excuse me, ma'am?" The woman asks again, "Do you have my ticket to the Police Ball? I'm dying to go" The officer goes, "Ma'am, we don't have any balls."

Ba dum ching

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πŸ‘€︎ u/khaycock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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Where do volcanoes go to the bathroom?

In the lava-tory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
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Where do volcanoes go to the bathroom?

At the lava-tory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2016
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