A list of puns related to "The Skin I Live In"
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donât think theyâll fit me.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donât turn it on.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itâs a little fishy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
âEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, âThe good news is..itâll feel better when it quits hurting.'â
Whatâs brown and sticky? A stick.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itâs tearable.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
âIâll call you later!â- âPlease donât do that. Iâve always asked you to call me Dad!â
Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
âMy dad literally told me this one last week: âDid you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.ââ
âWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, âNo, just leave it in the carton!ââ
I got so angry the other day when I couldnât find my stress ball.
If I had a dime for every book Iâve ever read, Iâd say: âWow, thatâs coincidental.â
Iâm not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How does a penguin build itâs house? Igloos it together.
âMe: âDad, make me a sandwich!â Dad: âPoof, Youâre a sandwich!ââ
âI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
âHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyâre all girls, otherwise theyâd be uncles.â
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth â its pasteurized before you even see it
âWhatâs Forrest Gumpâs password? 1forrest1â
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: âDonât worry; this is a piece of cake.â I said: âNo, itâs a math problem.â
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I donât play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iâm just doing it for kicks.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
... keep reading on reddit âĄSo my dad pretty much lays this one on every friend of mine he ever meets.
There once was this man named Benny, who had the strongest desire to live forever. The devil knew these desires, and arose out of the dephts to make a deal with Benny.
The deal stated that, in exchange for Benny's soul, he would be gifted with immortality. The only condition was that Benny could not shave any part of his body, ever, or he would be instantly transformed into an urn.
Benny went on with his now unending life and found himself falling in love with a girl shortly after accepting this deal with the devil. The girl however. Would not love him back because of his ridiculously long hair covering his entire body. It was said that the hair from his knuckles would sweep the floor when he walked into the room, and he would constantly trip himself on his beard.
The girl eventually died and Benny fell into a deep depression. He decided it would be best to end his misery by going to a barbershop, and getting a shave. He sat in the barber's seat, and as soon as the blade reached his skin, he was transformed, and all that remained in the seat was a large, metal urn.
The moral of the story... A Benny Shaved is a Benny Urned.
"Did you hear my joke about the Indian chief's wives?"
The first wife lived in a hut made of deer hide, and bore him one son.
The second wife lived in a hut made of bear hide, and bore him one son.
The third wife lived in a hut of hippopotamus skin and bore him twin sons.
"Thus the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of two hides!"
A fucking mad lib on the Pythagorean theorem. I'm pissed. He's so happy. Love you dad.
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