The B 52's Puns

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, and he turned 52. I called him to wish him a happy birthday, find out what he wanted to do for dinner, etc, all the stuff you do on someone's birthday.

Then I said, "You're only ten years away from your one-minute birthday!"

He seemed confused so I had to clarify... "You know, your... Sixty-Second birthday!"

I could hear the cringe through the phone, and I heard my fiancée groan from downstairs.

Now I just have to hope he forgets over the next ten years so I can make this joke again.

So my dad thought he would try the ultimate dad joke card game with my 4 year old daughter... good old 52 card pick up!

They sit down, he gets her excited to play, he does the cards all over thing and they both laugh. My 4 year old daughter then picks up 2 cards and says "Here you go!" in a drop mic fashion and walks away to go play something else. She handed him a 5 and a 2.