You know, people made fun of trump for the way he went down that ramp.
It was a little con descending in my opinion.
My friend announced that he parkoured his way to the top of a pub, but nobody cared.
After all, it was a low bar to climb.
The Italian chef that lived near me pasta way :'(
I boughta broken radio for a dollar that had the volume stuck all the way up!
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
My kid wanted to join the orchestra. I said "sorry, but you're way too young for that…"
"…it has a lot of sax and violins."
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
You know that theory about no two people see colours exactly the same way...
Surely it's a pigment of their imagination ?
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.
He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
I've just come to the realisation that in a way a baker is technically also a parent...
Because their raisin bread.
i just learn that sorry is improper grammar and that the correct way to say it is i'm sorry
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
Unlike boomers this joke never gets old. Shoutout to my Grandma... cuz that's the only way she could hear
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
Shout out to my grandma, that's the only way she can hear.
I called my wife and told her that I’ll pick up Fish and Chips on the way from work. She didn’t respond.
She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.
There was a group of ants that always went on sorties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
The wife seemed way too eager to pull the trigger on that divorce...
What did the cow say to the farmer that was in it’s way?
My son saw a sign that said 'please keep children under supervision' and asked "dad, have you got super vision?". I never thought of the word 'supervision' that way before.
Did you hear about the guy that robbed the library for every book they had? When questioned on how he did it he told authorities he basically talked the librarian into letting him. So i guess you could say he got a way with words.
A teacher told a student that no two people see color in the exact same way.
The student then asked...Does this mean that color is a pigment of your imagination?
I went to a garage sale and saw a radio for 1$ that had its volume stuck all the way up.
So I said "I guess I can't turn that down!"
“Dad, I heard that the only way you guys could communicate with each other when you were young was landlines and snail mail.”
Dad: No, you better get your fax straight.
My girlfriend and I were hiking yesterday, I was leading the way on the trail a bit ahead of her and she chimed out, "Is that a safe way?"
I said, "Honey, are you feeling okay? I don't think there are any grocery stores out here in the wilderness."
It was so cold that I slipped on the frozen newspaper on my way out the door this morning.
I must have fallen on hard Times.
My wife just told me that Peter Tork of The Monkees died today. I said, “No way!”
You’re walking down the road and you feel something in your shoe. You take off your shoe and find a smaller shoe inside. What would be the only way to describe that?
A robber found out a way to hide money in his pants so that he could avoid the cops, Injeanous right?
On my way in to work this morning I saw a guy who was really upset about the weather. He was so mad that he threw some punches at the light rain. - RS
I don’t think any of his punches connected. You might say he mist.
Wife and I are at my son’s yellow belt ceremony and we see that the grand master’s name is Soon Man Lee, I chuckle she doesnt get why. I look her dead in the eyes, he’s not manly yet, but he will be soon. Now she thinks I’m damaged in some way.
Did you hear about the guy that was opening his chamomile and got into an accident on the way to the dinosaur exhibit?
I guess you could say that tea wrecks.
My wife just told me that you can strain curdled milk, then use the resulting liquid as a food additive! I was like, "no way!"
I found out that the best way to read Dad Jokes is on the toilet
Because I always lose my shit over them.
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
I called my wife and told her that I will pick up Fish and Chips on the way home from work. She didn not respond.
She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.
I called my wife and said that I’ll pick up pizza and coke on the way home from work. But I was met with a stony silence.
I think she still regrets letting me name the kids.
What do you call a droid that take the long way around?
I texted my wife that I’ll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. She didn’t respond.
I think she regrets letting me name our kids.
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