We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius...
But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
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︎ Dec 26 2020
That's all folks
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I gots two words that will leave you all scratching your heads.
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︎ Dec 15 2020
All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
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︎ Jan 12 2021
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Minor prophets and all that....
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?
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︎ Jan 18 2021
I know Reddit has servers that all of our jokes are stored in, but Iβve come up with a better solution
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︎ Jan 01 2021
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
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︎ Dec 24 2020
Did you hear that McDonalds gave all their employees large laptops for Christmas?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
So scientists finally discovered a fossilised dinosaur butt. For it to survive intact all that time...
It must have been a megasaurus.
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︎ Jan 20 2021
After all my travel in 2020 was cancelled, I'm now facing the COVID reality that my Spring Break trip is not going to happen either. I just told my suitcases this sad fact...
...and now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Did you know that all Danish Boy Scouts have to get a tattoo?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Has anyone seen the new movie thatβs playing in all the theaters?
Itβs called βCLOSEDβ.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Well, it's that time on New Year's Eve. I'll see you all...
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︎ Jan 01 2021
We all know that 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
His doctor told him to get three square meals a day.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
All that thyme and effort wasted
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︎ Dec 04 2020
For all the time they spend in a school, you'd think that fish are really smart.
But it turns out, they're all below C level.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
All these years it was thought that Yoda only had one name. His family name is....
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︎ Dec 12 2020
That is All
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︎ Dec 02 2020
My girlfriend that I loved with all my heart left me while I was in the bathroom screaming with constipation.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
I built a spice rack that wasn't big enough to hold all my spices
I lost track of all of space and thyme
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︎ Dec 12 2020
Did you know that all bees are born near the ocean?
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Think about all the things that you forgot...
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?
Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I boughta broken radio for a dollar that had the volume stuck all the way up!
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︎ Nov 26 2020
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's Β£1?"
He said, "That's Madeira cake"
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︎ Nov 10 2020
There was a debate suggesting the environment isnβt that important after all.
It was pretty anti-climatic
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︎ Nov 25 2020
This is a series of dad jokes that all relate to each other and form a dad joke story so bear with me.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
(How?)
With a blue elephant gun.
How you you kill a pink elephant?
(With a pink elephant gun?)
No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
(No clue...?)
So they can hide in cherry trees
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
(Of course not)
Then clearly it works
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Keep in mind that given all of this year's events, Thanksgiving dinner can get heated
It can get re-heated the next day as well
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Out of all the birds that exist, owls are the most beautiful.
They are quite the head turner.
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Letting you all know that I've volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials held here in Melbourne. I received my first shot at 9.00 am this morning
Itβs completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and im currently feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΟ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
We all know that Dracula is the #1 vampire and from Transylvania. But where is the #2 vampire from?
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︎ Nov 16 2020
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that Iβm an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
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︎ Nov 01 2020
We all know about Murphyβs Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Coleβs Law?
Itβs thinly sliced cabbage
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︎ Oct 11 2020
We all need a love like that
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︎ Aug 14 2020
A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46
The dog says, βbut I rounded them up.β
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︎ Mar 25 2020
What do you call a potato that copies all the other potatoes?
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Iβve been working on my thesis that Swiss cheese is the greatest of all cheese.
But my proctor keeps finding holes in it.
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︎ Oct 07 2020
I just bought a dictionary today and bought it home to find out that all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...
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︎ Apr 27 2020
We all know about Murphyβs Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong
But have you heard of Coleβs Law? Itβs thinly sliced cabbage
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︎ Oct 16 2020
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