Oh how the turns have tabled

Me: Do you like the numerator or denominator more?

Dad: Numerator, why?

Me: I find myself divided between the two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeedleDickMafew
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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How the tables have turned
πŸ‘︎ 300
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sickbeatsbaby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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Emphasis on laundry rotation
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrimaryStrict
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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Oh how the tables have turned.
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcmcfat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Watching John Wick 2 the other night. While Keanu and Common are fighting while both holding the knife the tables turn and Keanu flips the knife around and thrusts it into Commons chest...again while both holding the grip. To which I turn to to my family and say

At least the both have something "in" common.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoiSINNEDsoul73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Oh, how the tables have turned gfycat.com/likabledefinit…
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jkynne
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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Oh how the tables have turned gfycat.com/likabledefinit…
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/normelpersan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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How the turn tables... (Son and I argument)

Me: Do you think the world just revolves around you?!

Son: Well I am a s(u)n...

Me: ...

Sun: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCrunchyToast2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Put together a table in my room for the kitchen, now the table doesn’t fit through the door...one could say the tables have been turned
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dharmabummin
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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My niece turned the tables on me this time

Niece: What is the favorite drink of a cow? Smoooothie.

I have never been so proud of my niece.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Oh my, look how the tables have turned
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaperFoxie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Oh how the table has turned
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Landog893
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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Sitting at the dinner table, (kid) can dogs eat corn? (Wife) No because they will turn into corn dogs (dad) that was corny
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyler232
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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My kid turned the tables on me.

Dad: What was your essay on on school today? Kid: It was not an essay it was a paragraph. Dad: What was your paragraph on? Kid: Loose Leaf.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Tables turned and got one on my dad today

Driving down driveway

Dad: "the driveway's getting pretty bumpy, it needs to be grated." Me: "I'd give it a D+"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickc211
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
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My wife dadjoked my dad at the baseball game... ah how the tables have turned!

Dad: Wow, He's got an arm!

Wife: Yeah, he's got two of them.

Dad: [cringes]

The best part is that he has always been the one to dish out the dadjokes. Way to go, wife!

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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Turned the tables on my Dad!

Dad pocket dialed me while I was at work. This was the conversation afterwards. http://i.imgur.com/5i3mGE9.png

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silenoz_676
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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Wife turned the tables and Dad Joked me on our evening walk. I was not prepared...

Wife: We should take the short cut this time.

Me: Short cut? But who would want to cut things short?

Wife: ...a hair dresser?

Wow.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McDermit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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Dad joked my dad. The tables have been turned.

Dad was talking about classical musicians, and apparently one of them knew all there was to know about music so he looked up what was before music in the dictionary. It was 'mushrooms', so he became a mycologist (study of mushrooms). I responded: he must have been a fun guy. GEDDIT. FUNGHI. Dad just shook his head at me and laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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How the tables have turned

Dad: Did you see my new ladder. Me: Yes. Dad: It rocks, its way better than my old one. Me: it better not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PyroMoose874
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2015
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Toddler Turns the Tables

Told my 2 year old that she needed to eat at least two of her greens beans before she could get down from the table.

She told me she was done and I asked her if she had eaten her two green beans.

Her reply? "Yes, too many."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustACapybara
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
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I started pulling the "Hi hungry, I'm dad" routine with my two-year-old. A couple days in, I asked her if she was hungry.

She just laughs and says, "Silly Daddy, I'm not hungry, I'm Nona." I didn't expect to be a grandfather so soon...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Now stop horsing around.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elarandra
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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oh dear, what will we do?
πŸ‘︎ 680
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πŸ‘€︎ u/free_30_day_trial
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture...

But when I got home, the tables were turned...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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What do waiters and DJ’s have in common?

Their job is to turn tables.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddiTurret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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So I was talking to my friend yesterday about their recent accident

They told me that recently they had come into ownership of a small ball of string. At first, they thought nothing of it. One day, they walked into their house and the ball of string was on the table, when they had specifically left it in a closet. They put it away again, but the next day when they came home from work, the ball was on the table again. It kept happening, and eventually it became a sort of game for my friend. They'd leave it somewhere they thought it could never come back from, and return to find it on their table.

Then it began to appear in other places.

It appeared in the middle of a company meeting. One moment, the table was empty, the next, it had a ball of string in the middle. While driving, they spotted it in the back of their car. They saw it inside of a vending machine. But at the end of every day it would return to their table.

Eventually, my friend decided enough was enough. They took the string, and threw it off a bridge into a river. As they were driving home, a car swerved and hit them, wrecking both cars. My friend staggered to check on the other driver, and all he found was a small pile of soggy string on the seat.

After that, he never saw the string again.

So after he told me this tale, I turned to him, and said, "Wow... that was quite a yarn."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justcaleb2001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90.

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_perfect_sonnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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I like telling Dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jay101182
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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Oh, how the Tides have turned.
πŸ‘︎ 756
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DirtyPineConeFeet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
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At a job interview

At job interview at restaurant there were three aplicants a man, a women and Bob. The interviewer asked the man,

"Why do you deserve this position"

The man replied "I have worked at three 5 star restayrants and have been in this field for 8 years"

The interviewer asked the same question to the women and she replied "I have been working in this field for 15 years and have managed many famous restaurants around the world"

It was finally Bob's turn and the interviewer asked him the same question,

"Why do you deserve this position"

Bob said "You could say i bring a lot to the table"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwawaytrol7134
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I was at a restaurant tonight with family, when my dad started singing: "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..." (it was no one's birthday - we all looked confused)

"... Happy birthday, dear Menu"

points to "Jan 2014" printed on the base of the menu

"Happy birthday to you"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danieljr1992
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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When i was 17 i brought my future wife to Prom..

Went to get tickets from the office, waited in line for a while but got sorted.

Had to rent a limo, another line in their office but got one pretty quick.

Remembered I needed flowers, ran to the local florist, this time there was a massive line but they looked after me.

Eventually we got to Prom. Future Wife asks me to get her some punch.

I go to the refreshments table

Theres no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnrlp2007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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So my Microwave broke

Right now we've got a standard whirlpool. One basic box, with a rotating center tray. No frills.

I'm looking at a newer model. It's split in the center, and there's a second rotating tray. Also, it's voice activated.

What do you think?

Should I stick with what I've got or should I get Two Turn Tables and a Microphone?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DairyCanary5
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously, they were thinking, "That poor old couple...all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.

The old man said, they were just fine, they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.

She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered, "THE TEETH!"

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Got my family pretty good, my dad even cried a little

I didn't make the joke in english but it translates well.

We just had lunch and my mom was clearing out the table and putting stuff in the dishwasher while my brothers and my dad were talking about the party we were going to that afternoon. My mom and dad would go there by bike and my brothers and I would take the car.

Then my mom said: "should I turn on the dishwasher so everything will be clean when we'll return?"

On which I commented: "That's not fair, we go by car, and you by bike, while the dishwasher has to run?"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dovahkoen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
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I'm still in awe by my fathers' genius.

I'm sitting at the dining room table with my mom just chatting about nothing in particular, when my dad walks with this shit eating grin holding something behind his back. Now for a little background info, my dad NEVER does surprises. And I mean never. So I immediately knew something was up. My mom turns around and asks him what's going on. He tells her to close her eyes and hold out her hands because he got her a surprise. At this point my mom gets really excited and asking, "what is it?! What is it?!" To which my dad replies,

"Do you remember when we went out the other day and you were looking at those new running shoes, but you decided not to get them because they were too expensive?"

To which she responds, "ahhhh! Yes I remember!!"

He then says, "well I saw how much you liked them so I decided to get you a pear."

And he puts a fresh pear in her hands.

She still won't talk to him.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laxerado1313
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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People used to laugh when I bought vinyls whilst they bought CDs. Now CDs are going away and vinyls are coming back in..

One may say that the tables have turned.

πŸ‘︎ 354
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nochinnn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk

Oh, the tables have turned

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AviTheBirb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
a short punny story

Todd was a typical nerdy high schooler, and like most guys, he had a crush on Mary. One day, he got the courage to ask Mary to prom. To his surprise, she said yes. On the day of the prom, Todd had to excuse himself to get a drink. He went to the water fountain, but there was a long line. He then went to the lemonade table, but there was a long line there also. So he turned toward the fruit punch table...

and there was no punchline

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just got me :)

So we were sitting at at the table having hotdogs for dinner. My mother-in-law and I then both went to ask my daughter for something at the same time, me for the sauce and the MIL for my daughters glasses so she can clean them. Then we ended up taking turns asking

My MIL then commented that it was good that we didn't ask at the same time otherwise she would be cleaning the bottle and I would be trying to put glasses on the hot dog.

My wife then turned to me and said "Then it would be a Seeing Eye Dog!" And promptly burst out laughing.

This was made all the more special, since my wife is only now just coming out of a 5 year melancholic depression. Yay!

EDIT: Changed wording to make it clearer. Thank you very much from both myself and my wife for all your positive thoughts. :)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yberry
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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Ordering food at Mc Donald’s

Woman ask if i want take out or eat here?? I turn and point at a table in the restaurant.. i would rather sit over there and eat.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofySwe776
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant...

While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shimaxed
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The Tables Have Turned

http://imgur.com/MPyuSo4

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/foxygrandpa696
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2015
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I thought I won an argument with my wife on how to arrange the dining room furniture

But when I got home the tables were turned.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubadishnard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.

But when I got home, the tables were turned .

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report

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