A hug and a quiche.
Cauliflower!
(told by my nephew, so so proud of him!)
The jug of milk in our refrigerator dated 2-14.
DAM!!
Forget-me-knots.
I told my wife to just leave it though since the freezer has an auto defrost feature
You're purr-fect for me!
And he reached my voicemail
A love child
Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.
We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?
So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.
I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)
It was fucking in tents!
He met his match.
I was feeling quite kneady
A calendar has a date on Valentineβs Day
https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1
Who thinks they're punny?! πβ β I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.β
I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love π₯
I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.
In France people give each other white roses on Valentineβs Day because they surrender their love to each other
So we're in the car driving him home, and we got on the subject of valentines day. Me being attached and him single, I was really happy for him when he told me he had a date for valentines day!
I ask "So who is she?"
him: "February 14th"
worst part is it took me a while to get it, so I kept questioning him. I got out daded
It was Valentine's day and some buddies and I went out to grab lunch at a pizza joint called Mellow Mushroom. Appreciative of the waitress working on this day I left her two gems on the receipt to make up for it:
"Morgan, you had me at mellow," and "I have mushroom in my heart for you"
So much so that she told me she had to go put on make-up while using the restroom. I told her it sounds like she's pulling double-doodie in there.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone! π
A hug and a quiche!
