I wanted to start writing music again, so I spent $500 on a new keyboard.
It's a half-a-grand piano.
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
I saw an insect that was trying to jump on a fat guy's chest again and again.
I think it's preying man tits.
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
I think I will never have the Neverland-Ranch on my salad again.
My math teacher walked into the classroom, wrote a tiny number "7" on the board, then walked back out again.
I thought, that's a little odd.
The other day I was walking down the street and I commented that I like someone’s spunky shoes. 10 minutes later I passed her again and she gave me a $5 bill she found on the ground.
That’s karma in real life
I made this joke on my old account but I got a new phone so ima say it again... What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?
Neighbours cat on the car again
Dad:Hey kids! We are going on vacation to East York, PA. Again This year!
Kids: aww again?
Dad: yeah, I always like taking a trip down memory lane.
Bar talk: Dude 1: What was that song by Eric Burdon again; something about love is on fire? Dude 2: Yeah. Yeah. "Love is a burnin' thing, and it makes a fiery ring..."
Dude 3: I think it was Hotel California. "Last thing I remember, I was running for the door..."
We used to write on scrolls, then paper, and now we’re back to scrolling again.
Rock Star Adam Ant might go on tour again but he ran into a few snags...
He remains adamant though.
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.
She said she didn't remember.
I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!
She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.
Totally worth it.
It appears that I have an on-again, off-again relationship with clothing
When you have to choose between between going out with your ex again or have a growth on your forehead, what is that choice called?
My fiance told me "Metallica has a concert in January" and I said " They're on the road again?"
When Mrs. Exclamation told her husband This that she was pregnant with her second set of twins, he was very excited. As had happened with her first twins, the babies looked nothing like their father. He didn't realize it though, and once again she put his name on the birth certificates.
Now This raises more questions.
You know, lots of people hates seeing the same jokes over and over again on 9gag.
It may be because they already Reddit.
Every time I fix something on my bike, something else breaks and I hurt myself. But I always end up riding again.
My wife keeps waking me up to go turn off the computer and then turn it back on again.
I hate these late night rebooty calls.
Sadly Willie Nelson was hit by a bus. He was playing on the road again.
There's a class I plan on taking this perfect for me. It's for people who used to write and want to start again
It's called Resume Writing
My dog peed on the floor again today.
My dad came in and saw the accident, "We should start calling you liberachi. You've become quite the pee-anist."
*bug splats on windshield* "Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again"
Saw this somewhere on reddit, but I don't remember where and can't find it again. It belongs here...
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
Wimbledon is on again
Watching the Vesely vs. Berdych match, both are from the Czech Republic.
Dad: well I guess he's playing his Czech mate
This man is my role model
Edit: spelling
The story goes that on my parent's first date my dad told a doozy. My mom says she still can't believe she went out with him again
Waitress at luncheonette: what can I get you? Dad: I'll have a soup sandwich on waterproof bread.
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