A list of puns related to "Off the shelf"
I told him he shouldn't do things half-grasped.
It got caught in my hair.
Dad (sitting at the kitchen table) "GASP A CEREAL KILLER!!"
I died.
I was grocery shopping with my wife and she was picking up holiday hand soap. She asked me which ones I liked.
I grabbed two different ones off the shelf and said "let me give you my two scents"
A guy walks into a store and asks an employee where the bug spray is.
The employee, who just so happened to be currently stocking bug spray, tells the customer it's right here.
The guy then thanks the employee but then asks him to recommend one as he is not sure which one is better.
The employee smiles, then pulls a can of bug spray off the shelf and tells the guy that this is a good one and one of their best sellers.
The guy looks unsure, so the employee asks if something is wrong with it.
The guy replies that he's not sure but it feels like something is Off about this brand.
(Explanation: there is a bug spray brand called Off)
If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?
I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.
If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?
China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.
I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?
I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.
I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.
I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"
I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".
If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?
If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?
My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.
I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.
Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.
Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.
You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"
A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p
... keep reading on reddit ➡It literally flew off the shelf
I told the butcher I'd give him $10 if he got the meat down off the top shelf. He said he couldn't.... the steaks were too high.
I guess they took those old records off the shelf.
So my daughter this morning put a bunch of stuff on the dashboard so when I took off it all ended up in her lap.
> Me: Thats why they call it a dashboard not a shelf
> <she kind of shrugged it off and a few minutes pass>
> Her: what?
> Me: Because everything dashes at you when the car takes off :DDDD
> Her: <rolls eyes>
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
I put the beef on the top shelf but I'm worried it may fall off...I'm good at catching but the steaks are pretty high
...getting a teacup off the top shelf in the cupboard. I complained about the lack of a stool or stepladder so I could reach those most important of cups. He handed me the cup and said "It's discrimination! Apart-height's a terrible thing"
I was at a shoprite with my dad visiting my brother, and he grabs two whisks off the shelf, holds them against his face, and starts saying "excuse me sir, where are your shaving supplies? I have a few whiskers on my face!"
Oh, dad...
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