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πŸ‘︎ 528
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πŸ‘€︎ u/illusionnnn
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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No entry

Man walks up to a club, security stops him saying β€œsorry mate, can’t come in without a tie on”. Man pleads but gets the same answer.

He goes to his car across the road and looks in the trunk, he can only find a set of jump cables so puts them round his neck.

He approaches the club again, the bouncer says β€œalright, you can come in....but don’t you start anything”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TackySour
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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One of the local radio stations had a "Worst Pun" contest.

The best part was you could submit multiple entries, and I sent in a bunch, at least 10. I figured the more I came up with, one of them had to win.

But, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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A navy recruit has his first day on a submarine

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your postΒ to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Call all pun creators

My sister is in the emergency room with second degree burns on her foot from cooking oil, I need puns to make fun of her at thanksgiving.

Be merciless.

Edit: it was great, you're puns were big hits. After each pun I said your username without context, but at the end of dinner someone asked me if I was going insane and I said "no, those are the pun credits" so, in some of your cases it was pretty funny to say out of context.

Thank you all for your entries, they were great!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrimsonCultist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2016
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Delivery in the office

So, workers at our office occasionally have their packages shipped to our work place. I think it's so that they have someone to sign off on them, or for security reasons. Either way, there were a couple IKEA packages dropped off today, and one of the admins wrote:

"We received 2 large IKEA boxes today. They do not have name on them. They are in the main hall near the front entry. Please pick up at your convenience. Please let me know who they belong to."

to which I replied all (bold, I know):

"Well I have no... IKEA."

(i'm only 24, going on 25. with no plan of kids for years, but i hope i did you guys proud)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kungpaoer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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A new Navy recruit has his first day on a submarine.... (apologies to u/buddybd)

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine…

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

β€œGo stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope.”

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

β€œSon I’m changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes.”

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He’s cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

β€œListen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters.”

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

β€œHey there,” says the recruit. β€œis it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven’t kept one position for more than 15 minutes!”

The crewman says β€œOh yeah- this sub is full of reposts.”

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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