Mr C B Puns

by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.

Found this on Twitter:

My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”

But, I've had a few near Mrs.

is Mrs. Fire

Man, I was worried when Mr. Ed had to be hospitalized. But now I've heard he's back home and his condition is stable.

Without a doubt, mine is Mrs. Fire.

“It’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.

“Just call me Hoff”, he replied.

“Sure”, said the bartender, “no hassle”.

It was a near Mrs.

I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw a thunderstorm?

Looks like reindeer.

I think I’ll call it “Mr. Holland’s Opus”

Mrs. Ippi.

Mrs Claus: It's only rain dear.

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

Its Christmas eve and santa claus has forgotten to check the weather before his Christmas run . Just before leaving he asks Mrs claus "what's the weather like for tonight?" "Rain dear" she replies

European History.

H/t Mr Miller from 1982. This was how he started class.

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Tennish

(RIP Mr Connery 😔)

No more Mr. Knife guy

Mrs. Carrot takes him to the ER and after a day of surgery, the doctor steps out and says, "Mrs. Carrot, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we saved your husband. The bad news is, he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."

That’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit.

She Mrs. the net!

I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond.

Mr. E.!

(Came to me in a flash, totally whooshed my son unfortunately)

His name was Mr.Takeout (before he killed himself with a mysterious bullet to the back of the head)

Who was taller?

The baby was a little Bigger.

Mr. Bigger went to the hydroelectric plant.

Now he's Bigger by a dam site.

Cliff Hanger... Or Mr Hanger if your being formal.

The bartender asks,"What will it be mr. Seal?"

He replies,"Anything but a Canadian Club!"

It's always been a Mr. Lee to me.

Edit: get consent people

"Mr. Rock, may I slap your behind for the sake of an amazing pun that the people will remember for years to come"

Found this gem on Twitter:

My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”

but I've had a few near Mrs.

But, I've had a few near Mrs.

But I’ve had a few near Mrs.

But I've had a few near Mrs

....but, I've had a few near Mrs.

I said, “Thanks babe. You MRS. right.”

Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right.

Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!