Hispanic Magic Act

A Hispanic magician tells his audience he will vanish on the count of 3. β€œUno… Dos…” poof he’s gone.

He disappeared without a trΓ©s

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Senas006
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
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My Russian wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I'm Putin my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
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How does the Norse god of mischief act in his off time?

He’s low key

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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What is something that looks and acts like a vacuum cleaner?

A vacuum cleaner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItunesGiftCard25
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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What kind of wood that can sing,dance and act

Bollywood

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broke_Gam3r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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What do a long-drawn-out comedy act and a bunch of thirsty partygoers have in common?

A long wait for the punch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RippleDotPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Before becoming famous as an escape artist, Harry Houdini focused more on disappearing acts.

He performed this using a complex set of trap doors. But it was just a stage he was going through.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grobmyer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2021
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What did the shirt say when the man was acting suspicious.

I'm on you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redstardog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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I'm usually easygoing, but when my wife asked me to stop acting like a flamingo-

I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?

It's mime blowing

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shangheineken
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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I took my Chesney Hawkes tribute act over to Mexico after I heard no one else was doing it there

I am the Juan and only

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ralloti
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
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The act of christening a ship by breaking a bottle of champagne against it should be called 'Shiptoasting'.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BarelyEfficient
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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A Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German went downtown to see a juggling act...

The performer saw the men arrive and that the crowd was large so he stood on his cart and yelled "can you see me now!?" to which the men replied Oui! Si! Ja!

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πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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Took me a while
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeevist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of their times.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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My neighbour got bit by a female deer and starts acting like one on a full moon...

What a were-doh...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaswolf
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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How do you act big pimpin' at a pool party?

You turn the hose on...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrSanwich
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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My friend said, β€œYou have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”

It was a third degree burn.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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What multi-talented dinosaur can act and rap?

A raptor

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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What do you call the act of rummaging around in a purse by a warthog that is good at talking to women?

A smooth boar rifle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/llahlahkje
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Why was the farmer given an award for acting as a living scarecrow?

Because he was simply outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pistolwinky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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What do you call the act of an Italian having sex with pasta?

Pennetration

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πŸ‘€︎ u/murlockerLOL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

More on this after the break.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Dad: β€œ... and if I’m being frank you are acting terrible about it”

Child: β€œ if you are being frank who is being dad?”

Actual conversation I heard in the store

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I won’t act like I’m not impressed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/choshmo
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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My teenage daughter is really acting odd...

She can't even.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."

"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Saw an Adam & The Ants tribute act

I said β€œyou’re not Adam Ant!”, he said β€œyeah i am.” we argued all night, but he really was adamant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vwraider
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Is there anyone who would act in a movie based on J.R.R Tolkien's The Silmarillion?

Elijah Wood

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart..

...while they've never seen one of his paintings.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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People act like the North and South poles are exactly the same

...but really, there’s a whole world of differences between them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrindoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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My wife acts like she doesn't know that I'm Joking

But then, I remember that she is JoQueen.

My children do the same thing, but then they're just kidding

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadlyHilarious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...

...I will not be deterred!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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What’d the confused alligator say when acting like a rooster?

Croc-a-doodle-doo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aschtopher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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I confronted a mime today.

He did unspeakable things.

Thank you for the awards. You made my day πŸ˜ƒ

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?

"I've had it with your altitude"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levivilla4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.

Guess you could say that it was a close shave

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomgz0mbie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. β€œUno” β€œDos”

And then he vanished, without a tres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cookiesncream6969
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I have a friend who is convinced that you can find water on the moon.

I said "That's lunacy!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorJoss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo

So I had to put my foot down

πŸ‘︎ 481
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smellypants5379
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo

so I had to put my foot down

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haqeeqee
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverBlueWolfey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.

πŸ‘︎ 231
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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My friend told me, β€œYou have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.”

It was a third degree burn.

πŸ‘︎ 484
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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