My Dad asked for help with measuring but kept letting go of the other end of the tape measure

He was measuring my patience

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A couple of years ago my friend told me I have a hard time letting go of the past

I'll never forget it

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I got let go from the dairy farm.

Apparently I don't work well with udders.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup_doge
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.

They wanted to live an adventure without equal

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tadashi4
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Lets go back to the future!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ki00b
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What has two thumbs and won't let them go?

My kid

Seriously, give me back my thumbs

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I got arrested for dumping ice under the overpass last night. I thought they would have let me go this morning.

Surely it's just water under the bridge by now?

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_clown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Let's go kill time!

Daughter: Dad im gonna call 911.

Me: why?

Daughter: Youre going to Kill time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brokenbyher2019
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
She doesn't like puns or DBZ. Let her go.
πŸ‘︎ 565
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpasticGinger234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
When the Mrs. could tell I was in the mood, she immediately let me know that tonight wasn’t going to happen.

She said: β€œNot tonight. Period.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brian_Cirgury
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How does an Italian Terminator say goodbye?

Pasta La Pizza Baby!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad says to me,"Hey,let's go fishing! We'll take the canoe."

I told him,"It's actually pronounced"gnu."The "g" is silent!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, I’ll be right there, let me just...

shoulder this bird, hun.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Last week I was on the edge of a cliff, holding on to a box full of shredded cheese. I loved that box, but I knew I had to let it go. I didn’t want to...

But it was for the grater good

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."

"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I o, let's go, make soup
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FredoCorleone8898
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't let my kids go online. There's too many PDF files on there!
πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate it when people can't let go of the past.

Debt collectors are the worst.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
He just couldn’t let go
πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Would be a shame to let this pun go to waist.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If you come across a cow in post-apocalyptic times, you'd better not let it go.

That would be a missed steak.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ericn8886
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I came up with this myself.

What was the last joke the cliffhanger told before he let go?

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/walkingsugarcube
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Come on Col, let's go fluoride
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danw_com
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: Let's go antiquing,

I feel Victorian.

Husband: No let's not, I feel baroque.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/14to0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
And now for some β€œin-depth” coverage, let’s go live to our reporter.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a reptilian detective that wears sleeveless shirts and just can't let something go?

An InVestedGator

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
So 3 roads walked into a bar

A length of freeway walked into a bar, and yelled out "I'm the meanest bit of road west of the Pesos, nobody wanna mess with me!"

Then some duplicated overpass walked into the bar. "Anybody think they're tough enough to take on this piece of transit infrastructure? Well, are ya?"

Finally a stretch of dual carriageway walked into the bar. "This bad boy is badder than all you weaklings, whaddya gonna do about it!"

As they were all glaring at each other in a Mexican standoff, some bicycle laneway walked into the bar, threw a chair out of the way and kicked over a table. "I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, baddest piece of asphalt there is! You're all soft snowflakes! Ain't anyone who has the guts to take me on!"

The first three roadways all immediately turned to the bar and started meekly sipping their drinks, trying to look inconspicuous. The bartender asked them "What's the matter, are you going to let him get away with that? Why don't you stand up to him?"

"We aren't going to mess with him", they replied, "He's a real cycle path".

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SurfingSherlock
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?

He had the right to bear arms.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Just let it go
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelanieLN
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Let’s go on a date. Lunch is on me.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My couain asked for clothes, I said lets go to Tom

Hilfiger it out.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ftejadal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Alrighty lets go
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Berserkkiller
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to let my natural fiber weaver go today because she was late...

She had an excuse but it seemed fabricated.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ll never forget what I said to the water buffalo I treated like my child when I had to let him go,

β€œGood bi-son”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue_Jay2735
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was let go from the keyboard factory today...

I was told I wasn't putting in enough shifts

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboifritz113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Say what?

Guy visits the doctor

Guy: doctor I think I m going half deaf

Doctor : Half deaf? There is no such thing as half deaf. I m going to test you. Let me know if you can hear the next thing I m saying

Doctor shouts :" 88!!!!

Guy replies : " 44!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oriopax
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Had a lawn mowing run for a while but had to let it go...

...I just couldn’t cut it 🀨

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Want to know why I'm not a trapeze artist anymore?

They let me go.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Let’s go get raudi in the Audi
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobowhite
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday a friend of mine told me he has a new job. He's garbage man now...

well, he didn't let that opportunity go to waste

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myhomebasenl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Just let it go... the money never came from you anyway
πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JGesick
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Idk if this is popular, found on facebook
πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrykerXVX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The pennie joke

No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".

I hope you have a nice day!

P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshy2004194II
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
If you love somebody, let them go. If they leave, they were never yours. If they come back, they were a boomerang.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Funny facebook minions meme go brrr

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: β€œWhen I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

β€œI found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, β€œand preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. β€œLooking back,” he says, β€œmaybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a reptilian detective that wears a sleeveless shirt that just can't let something go?

An InVESTed Gator

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My cousin asked for clothes, i replied "Let's go to Tom....

...Hilfiger it out"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ftejadal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report

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