I went to an Indian restaurant last night for some garlic bread.
I saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night
First I was afraid, I was petrified
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night
A Galway Hooker at sunset last night
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the fuck is my roof ?
My deaf wife was talking in her sleep last night.
Damn near poked my eye out!
Watched the origami world championships last night,
It was on pay-per-view.
Bit of a scam though,
Both teams folded.
My neighbors had their ladder stolen last night.
We threw a house party that ended badly last night, my wife put her best friend in hospital with a single punch.
The worst fruit allergy I've ever seen.
My wife and I had a 2 hour argument last night because I "have no sense of direction"
So I packed all my stuff and right.
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo
It was great. She’s a keeper.
Last night I had a dream I was making love to a muffler.
When I woke up I was so exhausted.
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house.
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house. It was about 11pm and Susan was snuggled up to her Mother next to me in our bed. After a few seconds of Lori saying something soothing to our 9 year old she was holding, saying something like 'its ok, its just a little storm, we are safe...', I call out to our older 12 year old in her room just next door.
"Sarah!?" I called to her, in my normal tone to get her attention.
"Yeah? What?" She responded.
"Was that you?" I called back.
After a long pause Sarah replied "No Dad. That was thunder!"
I could not stop laughing.
I fell asleep last night while reading old magazines.
I woke up this morning with back issues.
Lightning struck our house last night.
The final question in our pub quiz last night was ‘name the indigenous people who are often referred to as Eskimo’. I’m so disappointed I got it wrong especially as....
Last night I stepped on a corn flake..
My dad keeps calling me a cereal killer 🙄
I ate something intangible last night.
It went straight through me.
Did anyone hear what happened to planet Earth last night?
I saw a Werewolf behind the bus stop last night....Or a really hairy homeless guy.
Either way, the silver bullets worked.
“Dad, did you remember to move the clocks forward last night?”
‘Yeah, but they fell off the shelf.”
I dreamt last night I was swimming in an ocean full of orange soda. Then I woke up..
..and realized it was just a Fanta sea.
"I caught two men in balaclavas breaking into my house last night," said my friend. "But they got away sadly."
"How do you know they were sad if they were wearing balaclavas?" I asked.
It snowed 8" last night - took me an hour to shovel the driveway.
I had this massive piece of steak on the barbecue last night. As it was cooking, the smell of the juices made my mouth salivate.
I had a thought. I wondered if vegetarians had the same effect, while mowing their lawn.
Last night I had a dream that I ate a 50 lb marshmallow.
This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.
Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.
Had some bad chicken last night
It left a fowl taste in my mouth.
My Vegan girlfriend left me over the meal I cooked last night.
What can I say? M'steaks were made.
Last night I finished off the Frosted Flakes, Honeycombs and Cheerios.
My wife is very upset she married a cereal killer.
My wife is angry. Last night for my anniversary, I left the kids, snuck out with my ex-girlfriend, and we hooked up in the back seat like we used to.
She hates when I call her that.
Lifeguards are sad to report the drowning of a hippie last night.
My wife and I went to a local brewery last night. Said brewery has quite a few IPA style beers.
As we were leaving, wife says "Gee, they have a lot of feral cats."
I said "Surprised they don't have a lot of feral rabbits."
HUH?
Because of all the hops they use!
I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.
I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”
Last night I made a lamb curry......
But apparently they prefer grass.
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the telly
I tried to stay awake last night, or as I call it...
Last night when exiting Disney, I asked my group if anyone remembered where we parked.
My son: “the parking lot”
Last night my wife asked if I had seen the dog bowl...
I said, "I didn't know he could!"
Last night I ate a piece of string
I had a dream last night I was a muffler.
Last night I dreamed I was a muffler
I woke up last night too the ghost of Gloria Gaynor by my bed
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
Last night I stepped on a corn flake
My dad keeps calling me a cereal killer 🙄
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