A list of puns related to "King's X"
Me: Did you see that new documentary on Constipation?
The Dad: What?
Me: It hasn't come out yet...
The Dad: Hahaha. That's a hard one.
Me: lol, indeed
The Dad: That's straining.
Me: You're pushing it, [The Dad].
The Dad: I'm not even close to being finished yet!!
Me: You are really stuck on them, aren't you?
The Dad: I am just so impacted by all this.
Me: I just can't get a good joke out...
The Dad: Oh, It's out now... I just can't drop it.
Me: lol. You may be the king of puns...
The Dad: It's an over thirty Dad thing...
His Wife: Yeah, you are full of it.
Terrible king, but made a great ruler.
Q: how do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
A: first open the door next put the giraffe in
Q: how do you put an elephant in the fridge?
A: open the fridge take the giraffe out and put the elephant in there instead
Q: the king lion called a meeting with all the animals in the kingdom, one animal didn't come who was it?
A: it was the elephant because he was still in the fridge
Q: You need to cross a crocodile infested river but there is no bridge how do you get across?
A: you swim across the crocodiles are still at the meeting
Stephen King actually named his son Joe.
He's just Joe King.
King Toot-Uncommon
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef. He invites 3 renowned chefs from all over the kingdom to serve him and the favorite will become the new royal chef!
The first chef serves the king an enormous rack of ribs. "Very impressive," said the king.
The second chef serves a huge steak, cooked to perfection. "So satisfying," said the king.
The third chef gives the king a plate with small rocks on a bed of shredded cabbage. "What the hell is this," the king asks.
The third chef says, "These rocks fell from the sky into my back yard. Indeed, ribs and steak are very meaty, but asteroids are meteor!"
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference...
He ate too much pi.
A king banished his personal fool for singing love songs. He wanted comedy not a romantic jester
King Tootsarecommon.
We start talking about Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
"He must be a king." "How do you know?" "He 'asn't got shit all over 'im."
Dad says "CSI:Medieval!"
He laughed at his own joke so hard I thought he was going to hurt himself.
A bike. Because you say bye King.
The Prince of the vultures had always been a rebel, but he surprised everyone when he announced he was going to be a vegetarian. And nobody expected this to divide the vulture kingdom, with nearly half the vultures supporting the Prince's choice. Tempers flared, and civil war was brewing when the Prince burst into the King's chambers.
"Father," he cried, "I never meant to cause this. I'll do anything you say to reunite the kingdom. Please, Father, what should I eat?"
The King set a plate of roadkill in front of the Prince, and said "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done."
Sorry if wrong place as this isn't a joke...
My boss, king of dad jokes, is leaving and I'd like a farewell dad joke!
Any smart jokes out there?
IT manager if that helps ..
The King of Spade.
King Midas saying that this sandwich is gold.
They became kings of the jungle without even living there
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
... keep reading on reddit ➡It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.
However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.
When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.
Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,
“Look! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”
And it’s fu*king discussing
Kings Crustacean and Charing Crustacean
Countdraculations.
What is 5m. tall, hairy and flies at 2,179 km/h?
A King Kongcorde.
What do witches use to know the hour?
A witch watch.
What do you call a chicken spirit?
A poultrygeist.
And one mine:
What do you call a house inhabited by a chicken spirit?
A hen-ted house.
Their ancestors are vi-kings.
Knight: Nice roundtable, who built it?
King: ‘Twas Sir Cumference.
TIL that the famous ancient Egyptian boy king also had club feet.
So I guess we have that in Tutankhamen
because I'm Sofa King lazy.
It was somewhere around the 6th century after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, an Anglish man was travelling through Normandy when he sees a local labouring the fields, and asks:
"Hello. What does it take to become a mercenary amongst your King's regiments?"
"Not that much - to be Frank."
"I see. I better give up then.
The king and queen of clubs
Me: "Of course it will get bigger"
Her: "Oh, why do you think that?"
Me: "Because, your body will upgrade from a queen size womb to a king size womb"
No, son, I got all the old ones f-king cut too. Idiot.
The king offered him a free palace stein
The par-king space.
Charles becomes the King formerly known as Prince.
Pho-king good!
Helper: Excuse me sir, can I help you with something?
Louie: No, I'm just Louie King.
It's so pho-king good
...so he called in his court wizard to devise a means of defense. The wizard set to work at once. First, he wove a net, tightly so that nothing could escape. Then he traveled to the nearby lake.
For three days, he went to the edge of a dock, and cast his net into the water. Each time, he collected many small fish, until he had gathered thousands.
He then took the fish to his study, and carefully processed them, crushing them into a sticky paste. Warming the paste, he began to lather it across the walls of the maze.
When the king learned of this, he was very angry.
"How dare you cover my walls with fish paste!" he said.
The wizard replied, "But sire, everyone knows to protect a labyrinth, one must use a minnow tar."
He didn't make a great king but he was a great ruler
Terrible King, but a great ruler .
King’s Crustacean 🚂
at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
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