Because it's Duty Free
that way you won't take any fall damage.
I guess when I'm using a mouse something just clicks.
Suddenly, my brother walked in. "Little bro, I've got a confession to make", he said. "This has been coming for a long time... I've been thinking about it, and it's time to come out. I'm not a man. Brother... I'm a trans woman. Tomorrow I'll start transitioning!
I stared at her a bit, my new sister... and then I grabbed her and stuck her in my computer. The machine immediately lit up, the fan spinning. "Just what I needed," I thought, "a transistor!"
It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
A Bariatric
turns out the board had a massive Fallout
She’s getting warmer.
Tooth or Consequences.
But at least her aim is getting better!
Pick a celebrity and a product line they would create.
Keanu Reeves has a new t-shirt line, it’s called Keanu Sleaves
"I didn't," he said. "This is a precipitation trophy."
Race
...She said "Spelling"
I guess that's what I get for buying a Switch.
its an ex-box
I told him “that’s amazing”
My son (16) is playing a video game where you can pick up a bunch of different weapons. He always asks me "Which is better?" and I'll stop what I'm doing to give my input. The following conversation just happened...
S: This? or this? (Sword or wheel)
Me: Obviously the wheel.
10 minutes later...
S: This wheel is bad. It doesn't do any damage.
Me: Switch to something else.
S: But I just got it 10 minutes ago. I can't just get rid of it like that... it's... no I gotta keep using it... it's... it's WHEELY good.
It's all downhill from here folks.
....
....
Ubisoft
A painful reminder that LIFE comes at you fast.
He kept calling fowls
a long time ago
On a Galaxy far, far away
I sometimes go to the “Idiot of the Year” event in our prairie town, where each year hundreds of people from the town and nearby villages gather in the community hall for jokes and a guessing game. It starts with various people coming on stage to tell bad jokes, and finishes with the guessing game, which involves the master of ceremonies pulling a blanket off a mystery object on stage. The first person to name the object gets the “Idiot of the Year” trophy, which is an old shoe nailed to a block of wood. Three years ago, the object was an old bicycle, and Melvin Sneeter, who works in the local hardware store, was the first to yell out “bicycle”. Two years ago, Cynthia Frizzle, a housewife from the nearby town of Spuzzum, was correct with “tricycle”. And last year, the object was a bit more difficult, so the trophy wasn't awarded, because nobody knew the name of that one-wheeled contraption that you must balance and pedal.
It was karmageddon!
The death was listed as “organ failure”
Valo-Rant.
Good friends are hard to find.
I had a dream the other night where I got myself and some buddies good tickets, in row B to a baseball game. So we’re making our way to the seats, but we can see that the bottom two rows of seats are completely submerged in water. The game is still going on as normal, but we have to take it in from the stairs. I looked at my buddies and said “Boys I’m sorry, this isn’t what I had in mind when I bought seats below C level”.
It was a relief
All the fans left
This is really a Mom Joke as my wife told it.
We recently bought a 75" television and were watching the Bucs game on Sunday. Midway through the game, the station tried to get a closeup of Tom Brady's hands but instead displayed his derriere in full screen and in beautiful HD. I asked my wife if that did anything for her.
Without missing a beat, she smirked, turned to me, and replied, "You're the one who wanted a Big Ass TV."
It's a real game changer...
I really should get past this phase.
My son was playing with a fly. It’s wings were messed up so it couldn’t fly away. He was holding it and said, “Daddy, this fly’s wings are broke.” I said, “then it’s not a fly, it’s a walk.”
I got utter silence from the people around me, though my daughter giggled a little.
first im not sure where to post this story but this is true and ive been cracking up ever since my daughter told me that happened.
So my daughter is 23 now. When she was 18 & im dropping her off at college, i told her that "anytime a guy approachs you and youre not in the mood to be hit on just tell the guy you have herpes or whatever and hopefully he'll stop & go away, if he doesnt...then, well ya know...you leave as safely as u can." i thought it was harmless kinda funny advice. So last night, when she's picking up her dog (cause i said id puppysit while she went to the football game), I said something to the effect of the dog needing a slow feed bowl and she rolled her eyes and told me shes not taking advice from me after the "herpe talk". i said "what? what herpe talk?" and she reminded me of that advice i offered when she was an 18 year old college freshmen and then told me thats why she doesnt have a bf. i chuckled and started asking, "have u ever said that? what happened? how many times have you told a guy that?" she continued to tell me that she went to a few frat/soriety get togethers with her girlfriends and maybe used that line 6-7 times. i lost it laughing and said "you know those 6-7 guys told at least 3-4 people each and so on." she goes "No shit Dad. because of you i cant find a date cause everyone thinks i have herpes." anyways, i thought this was too funny to not share, plus it worked cause i get to puppysit versus grandbabysit.
