Today (July 1st) is International Reggae Day
In an announcement to coincide with International Women's Day, the Church of England has announced a drive to increase the number of female vicars...
They want to decrease the gender pray gap
What’s the internal temperature of a Ton Ton?
Son's first good pun for Father's Day
My 7 year old son tries to tell puns, but he's really bad at it. After going to the zoo, he noticed that his right ear was itchy. Upon inspection, we noticed that the skin around his ear was flaking. We discussed if it was a sun burn, but he had been wearing a bucket hat all day. Without missing a beat he said:
I guess it has to be an "ear"itation. He even used air quotes. Proud moment for Father's Day!
Hope you had a great Father's Day as well!
When women get to the age of 50, they tend to collect lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many-paws.
There should be an international assembly for the proper way to separate out a sentence...
The Commawealth of Nations
Why don't the computers for the International Space Station use windows?
You shouldn't open windows on a space station
My wife was mad I didn't wish her a "Happy International Women's Day"...
I said, "But you're a Domestic Woman!"
I’ve come up with a new word for when you remove your bra at the end of the day: Gravititty
What is a pregnant women's favourite part of a hike?
The water break...
Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
I was worried that I wouldn’t have room for two new health and nutrition books…
…but they physically fit.
My dad is a Star Wars fan so I decided to draw him a picture of Grogu for Father’s Day.
He took one look at it, shook his head and said...
“Yoda, best”
Happy Father’s Day!
What hospital extension do you call for women going into labor?
The T-Shirt that my Daughter got me for Father's Day is a Dad Joke about Dad Jokes
I wish I could post a picture here, but it says, "Dad Jokes are how eye roll."
It's a meta-Dad joke. I'm so proud of her!
I’ve recently started a dating app for chickens. It’s not my normal day job, ...
it’s just to make hens meet.
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?
The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life
After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"
I asked him, "Are you a vet?"
He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"
What's the best time of day on a clock?
Everyone gets the day off on the 4th of July. But not fire.
I'm not too big a fan of Cardi B, but I like her health conscious sister
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
These days not a lot of people are named Lance.
But in Medieval times people were named Lancelot.
A German women was arrested for faking her taxes
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.
"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."
When my aunt Penny died she hadn’t cut her hair in 20 years, when we took her to the crematorium it turns out they charged by weight and we couldn’t afford a receptacle for her ashes. I learned an important lesson that day.
A Penny shaved is a Penny urned.
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
The kids are planning to buy me gifts for Father's Day..
.. just hope I can afford them !
My friend got me an action figure of a birdman with an abacus for Christmas
I didn’t really want it but it’s the Thoth that counts
Cats in Communist countries are forced to eat the same thing every day and it affects their health!
Now they all have Mousey Tongue.
2 women in a restaurant, when a duck walks in with a huge bunch of flowers. He places them on the table and says,
"You two ladies are so beautiful with sparkling eyes. "
One of the women stopped him, called the waiter over and said, I ordered AROMATIC duck."
A really good nap is great for your health...
....and it also shortens your workday.
What did they use in the biblical days for cuts and scrapes?
What is the favorite day of the week for twins?
I heard that Cricket matches can last for days...
No rest for the wicket, I suppose.
Why was the pirate depressed on his first day of high school?
He couldn't find Davey Jone's locker
I heard that fish are good for your dog's health.
What did the man say when he got asked out by 10 women in one day?
My mom thanked me for coming to visit for Mother’s Day.
I said “thanks for having me.”
Five years back I couldn’t pay my electricity bill, those were the dark days of my life
A lot of people will be enjoying their day off on the 4th of July
But not fire. fire WORKS on the 4th of July
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