Theoretical Fizz-ics
A pic for anyone who wants to see it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/lum6ev/so_if_this_is_broken_would_it_now_be_a_cant_opener/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
So my kids are clearing the dishes after dinner, it’s their job every day. My daughter was scraping all the scraps in the bin, which contained some food. Son: “Jeze Lauren you need to be more considerate, every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes”.... Ded 💀
She’s going to the infantry.
The catapult worked well
..that I've been dry for the last four years.
Sea son's greetings.
He went to the kitchen and discovered there was stewtonite.
I tip him occasionally when he hails cabs for me.
After all, this is MONSTER JAM!
Student: "Why is it so bad to have a pie thrown in your face in math class?"
Me: "Why?"
Student: "Because it never ends."
Me: The dog just dug up a bunch of sand into our food.
Son: Well it issss called a sandwich daddy.
Me: smiles and nods with approval
My son is four. We do a lot of puns around our house and he has tried hard, but they don't really make sense. The other day I made a mistake and said, "Oh, crap!" He told me I shouldn't say that word and I agreed, but was frustrated because I made a mistake. A minute later:
"Dad! I have a joke for you!" "What's that, bud?" "What do you say when you make a mistake and have to throw it away?" "I don't know, what?" "Ohhh, SCRAP!"
I'm so proud.
.........the box says 6+ years
Hanging out with him and the kids this morning when I found out he's gonna make a great stepdad
Me: Did you know when you get married you can change your last name to anything?
Him: So my name will be Gary Anything?
http://m.imgur.com/N5PqOb7
I am so proud of my dad. He's a carpenter. We were building a gingerbread house.
It was so wonderful, it brought a tear to the eye! His sister got home from a friend's house when he showed her a package of Turtles he bought for her. Her immediate response was " Score!! Without missing a beat, he said "Actually, those are Turtles"
I've never been so proud!
Completely out of nowhere, my 28 year old sister announces "If it's just one corndog, it's a Unicorndog."
While playing shovel knight with my 7 year old son, he turns to me with a huge smile on his face and says, "I'm really digging this music." So I reply "yeah it is good." "No dad. I'm DIGGING it"
Long story short, I yelled out that I thought this girl was hot, and I was already friends with a girl she was with. So she messaged me on facebook, and told me to talk to her. To find her on FB I had to know what her last name was, right?
>Me: What's her last name?
> Her: Long.
> Me: How long is it?
A perfect setup, a flawless execution.
Gf texting her dad about her tax return:
Gf: I'm getting $1900! Dad: hopfully Gf: well I never only hop partially
She's a keeper
Son: Dad, what are birds saying when they chirp? Me: Well that one just asked his friend if he wanted to go for a burger. Son: Don't you mean a Birdger?
lol I was so proud.
"Alright sweetheart, Daddy's going to jump in the shower."
"Ok Daddy, make sure you jump really high!"
we were at a burger place for a going away party, and the restaurant cooked the burgers to various temps, depending on how we wanted them cooked.
one guy asked another "how was the burger? was it too rare?"
I cut in and said "nah, he found it."
table: groans
I recently got an electric violin and an amp for my birthday and my sister in law was asking my mom how I liked it. Mom replied with, "She loves it, she's pretty amped about it."
I was in the other room giggling. So proud of her.
