My College Internship Almost Ruined My Life

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instrumentsโ€”but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the lineโ€”and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yungcfa
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Request for help remembering a joke

Hello,

I am requesting help with remembering a joke. Posts of this type did not seem to be against the subreddit's rules, but if I am in error, please let me know and delete my post.

Anyway, here is what I remember of the joke:

It is movie themed and it says something like this: "There should be a post-apocalyptic zombie movie with a romantic comedy element. Then we would have the world's first rom-com-zom-dom-bomb." The only thing is that I forget what the "dom" was supposed to mean and whether or not there is more to this joke, either in the set-up or the punchline. I googled it to no avail. Any help is appreciated.

Thank you

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ontoforever
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Joke I came up with today

So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TwoPolesGaming
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.

He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.

The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? ยฃ50, that is all."

The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Remember Matt Damon?

I met a stranger oโ€Œโ€Œn tโ€Œโ€Œhe tโ€Œโ€Œube tโ€Œโ€Œhe oโ€Œโ€Œther dโ€Œโ€Œay. He didn't say 'hello', as a normal person might. Instead, he sโ€Œโ€Œaid, "โ€Œโ€ŒRemember Matt Damon".

That seems a little bit weird... but it gets weirder. The next day, I passed the same fellow on the street, while I was out walking my dog. He called out to me once again, "Remember Matt Damon".

But I finally cracked it and called the cops after the SAME guy tโ€Œโ€Œapped oโ€Œโ€Œn mโ€Œโ€Œy bedroom wโ€Œโ€Œindow, aโ€Œโ€Œt 1โ€Œโ€Œ1.30 pm last nโ€Œโ€Œight. He called to me, loud enough for me to clearly hear him through the glass, "โ€Œโ€ŒRemember Matt Damon."

My conversation with the police then went like this:

Me: Officer, I think I have a stalker.

Policeman: can you tell me anything about this person?

Me: Well... uhhh... he reminds me of Matt Damon...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/td941
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad died in 2004, we still get calls for him at times.

this happened a few years ago. It's about my dad and something my dad would have laughed hard at.

phone rings I pick up

me: Hello

TeleMarketer: Hello is Mr ThrashandBurn's Dad available?

Me: ahhhh no he isn't

TM: do you know a better way to reach him?

with out hesitation

ME: Not unless you got a shovel.

I could hear him holding back his laugh wile trying to give his condolences.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThrashAndBurn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A recruiter emailed me and asked me to call him in the morning.

The following conversation ensued.

Receptionist: Hello, thank you for calling ______. How may I direct your call.

Me: Hi, I'd like to speak to in the morning.

Receptionist: Who?

Me: In the morning.

Receptionist: I don't know who that is.

Me: Well it says ______ but he asked me to call him "in the morning."

Receptionist: Giggle groan. That's a new one. Let me put you through.

Me: Thank you.

......

Recruiter: Hello this is ________.

Me: Hi in the morning, this is (me)

Recruiter: Hi, I wanted to go over your resume.

....... Later

Me: Thanks in the morning.

Recruiter (just now noticing) Why do you keep daing that.

Me: Your email said to call you "in the morning."

Recruiter: Groans

๐Ÿ‘︎ 241
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Calthropstu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Double dad

So, my sister is having her final tests on high school (I'm in college and have a really cute son with my girlfried) and got home today with a weird look on her eyes. Me and dad were having some sandwiches and watching The Empire Strikes Back (Star Wars marathon hype!). I looked at her and asked what happened, she immediately responded "I'm tired as fuck." By that point, I looked at my dad. He was looking at me, with a sparkle on his eyes. We both stood up, walked to her and said together: "HELLO TIRED AS FUCK, WE ARE DAD" Even my mother started laughing. It was hillarious.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dadjokes at the bar

I was sitting at a moderately crowded bar last night enjoying dinner when an older couple came up and sat next to me. We exchanged hellos and I continued eating my jambalaya. After a bit, the husband finally knew what he wanted to drink.

Husband: "Do you have (so and so) beer?"

Bartender: "Hang on a sec, I'll check."

As the bartender walked away, the husband held both of his arms in the air, closing his hands into fists right above his head, a la Steve Holt. After about 30 seconds, and you could tell she really didn't want to, the wife asks what he's doing.

Wife: "Honey, why are your arms in the air?"

Husband: "I'm hanging on."

The wife rolls her eyes and I laugh inappropriately loudly. He grins.

So at this point, the joke has been made. It's over. But no! He's in it for the long haul. He kept his arms in the air for a solid 3 more minutes, just so the bartender could get in on the joke. She returns with his bottle of beer.

Husband: "Can I stop hanging on now?"

Bartender groans.

Wife: "Yes, please."

I admire his dedication. And his taste in beer.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/toews4pres
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two men go to a job fair seeking employment [long]

They scan the room and approach the table of an available recruitment officer. "Hello gentlemen, please have a seat and we can begin." The two men sit in the chairs and pull up to the table. "Now," says the recruitment officer, "hopefully we can find employment for both of you based on your prior work experience. We have a wide variety of jobs available. I'll ask you some questions and we can go from there." The two men nod eagerly in agreement. The officer turns to the first man. "Can you tell me what you did for work before today?" "I'm a pilot," the man replies. "Oh, that's great," the officer exclaims, "I already know that we are definitely looking for pilots!" He takes some notes and turns to the second man. "And can you tell me what you did for work before today?" "I'm a wood cutter," the man says in reply. "Oh, dear," the officer says, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but we have don't have any positions like that. I'm afraid we can place your friend, but not you." "That's impossible!" the man sputters in disbelief. "I'm sorry, sir. There's nothing I can do." says the officer. "We aren't currently looking for any wood cutters." "But that's insane!" the man shouts in frustration. "If I don't cut the wood, how is he supposed to pile it?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MC_Bankrupt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The story of Mike and the dad joke hall of fame

Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.

First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.

Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didnโ€™t scare the other children."

Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didnโ€™t have to kiss her goodbye"

Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"

Those darn ex wives. "Iโ€™m so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."

Mike actually came to my office to tell me about a basketball camp he's putting on next week. He's been playing basketball for 64 years. "I was a great athlete in high school. I was voted most valuable player by all the cheerleaders."

There was one girl though who got away. "There was a girl who lived down the street and I used to call her all the time and say 'Sarah, can I come over?' and she'd say no. So one day she called & said โ€œMike, come over, nobody's home.โ€ So I went to her house and she was right, there wasnโ€™t anybody there."

That girl may be why he didn't play baseball. "I played football, basketball and track. Someone asked me 'Mike, why didn't you play baseball?' I said 'because I was already so good at striking out!'"

Anyways, Mike went on to have a lengthy career in TV and radio, until he didn't. "I had to quit my job for medical reasons. My boss said I made her sick."

Thank you for your time.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CCisme5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Got rekt by my Political Science Professor

lecture about US political culture

Prof: You guys like magic

Class: Yeah!

Prof: Okay I need a volunteer

I raised my hand so he picked me

Prof: Okay pull out a dollar bill and point out the wings of the bald eagle

I do

Prof: Okay I want you to fold the bill 3 times long ways then hand it to me

i fold it then hand it to him

Prof: You can still see the wings right? okay I am now going to fold it sideways into 3rds then I want you to hold out 3 fingers with your palm up

he places the folded bill onto my fingers with the center third flat on my hand

Prof: now say wing 3 times

Me: Wing wing wing

prof picks up the bill and holds it up to his ear

Prof: Hello?? This is Professor Frank, who is this?

The whole class couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes xD

๐Ÿ‘︎ 877
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SN1P3RJOE
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Some gems from my old man...

Any time we'd go to drive somewhere... "And we're off like a herd of turtles!"

"What would you like to eat?" "Food." "What kind of food?" "Edible food."

"If you're American outside the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom? European!"

"I'm thirsty!" "Hello Thursday, My name's Friday. Would you like to go out on Saturday and have a Sunday?"

And then, of course, he convinced me (or maybe I made it up in my little head?) that if I drank enough carrot juice I would be able to see in the dark, haha.

Wish I could remember more... He passed away when I was 8 or so. I'll happily share more if I remember them sometime. Heh, when he told my sister and I that he had cancer he insisted he had probably just swallowed a big crouton. :')

๐Ÿ‘︎ 148
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xingped
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Unsolicited Calls. โ€ญ

โ€ญ020 8125 7830โ€ฌ: Hello, Iโ€™m calling about the accident you had in the last two years. Me: Gosh how did you know I trapped my cock in the hotel drawer? โ€ญ020 8125 7830โ€ฌ: (hesitation) So youโ€™ve had an accident within the last two years? Me: Yes I trapped my penis in the drawer at a Holiday Inn. Now itโ€™s gone a funny colour, and hurts all the time. โ€ญ020 8125 7830โ€ฌ: (hesitation.....) Click.

BLOCKED.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SiBodoh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
24 Feb 2017, Revised Rules and meta-state of /r/puns

Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

I've been very busy with personal stuff for the past few weeks, so I've let this subreddit drift unattended. Reading some of the reports and comments after coming back makes me realize that my absence led to some unwanted events happening!


Let's start with the fun stuff: We now have a new fancy rulebook! If you suspect a post of breaking these rules, feel free to report it in the relevant category, or use (8) other if you suspect it to slip through the cracks of one of the other rules.

Secondly, as of right now, we do not have an explicit rule forbidding inflammatory subjects like race, politics, etc, as the rest of reddit seems to be melting down, but so far we remain unscathed. I wish to let you all crack puns like adults without having to put on training wheels, but if any of the above subjects become a problem then I will swiftly revisit this. Consider this a privilege, not a right, and do try to avoid abusing it! Piggybacking off this, any post that is more 'lewd' than PG should be NSFW tagged. If it is inappropriate for an office setting, I will manually NSFW it, and repeat offenders will have consequences.

Third, you can now request puns! start a self post with [request] and put in whatever information is necessary, such as "[request] puns about clocks".


I'll keep this post stickied for about a week or so, to keep it as a nice feedback net, and we can adjust rules, add/delete/modify them as needed, to keep our subreddit of lovely puns in peak condition!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KetoSaiba
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
At a drive-thru today...

drive-thru employee: "Hello welcome to blah blah what can I get for you?"

me: "uhhh...give me one minute"

drive-thru employee: "got it, one minute...will that be everything?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 237
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wafflewrestler
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I had a dad joke moment. Wanted to share.

I wasn't sure if it fit but it made me think of this sub.

I was in the hospital with my dad. Late night, new nurse walks in.

Her: "Hello. My name is Angel, and I'll be your nurse tonight."

Dad: Looks up. "Well if you're an Angel I must be in heaven."

Me: "Oh my god. Really?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Z0MBIECL0WN
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad hit me with this one when I came home the other night.

Walked in through the back door, heard my dad was still up watching Netflix so I went to say hello.

Dad: "Why didn't I hear you come in!?"

Me: "Uh, cause you're basically deaf and the tv is turned up all the way?"

Dad: "Could it be because you're wearing....sneakers?"

If I hadn't had actual things to discuss with him I would've rolled my eyes and walked away. Instead he got my obnoxiously fake laugh I created just for dad jokes like this.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 44
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rawr_Ima_Dinosaur
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
conundrums

Hello, can anyone explain to me this please?

"Why is it rare to find conundrums? Well, someone else usually does it for him."

Thanks!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/assaad33
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
It comes so naturally

Wife is 8 and a half months pregnant, we were laying in bed last night.

Her: Babe, can you get me a glass of water?

Me: But... it's all the way in there(Jokingly of course)

Her: Please, I'm pregnant

Me:... Well hello there pregnant, I'm Mick.

Her:(Slight giggle) Seriously though please, I'm trying to keep my legs elevated

Me: Isn't that how you ended up in this situation

And then she groaned and I was laughing like an idiot.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 72
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JustAPaddy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My Dad and the urologist shared a dadjoke at the worst time...

I was 16 and had found a small cyst (marble sized) in my scrotum. My regular Doc. had referred me to a Urologist, my dad came along "for support"

Dr: Hello, I'm Dr. so and so, what brings you in to see me?

Dad: Well it's my son here, apparently he has grown a third testicle.

Dr: I see, if that's case, the truth is you don't need me, you need to get your son an agent!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 50
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/carbidegriffen
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My Dad just dropped this one while watching the news...

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.

"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.

"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out."

"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" the drunk replies.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jake261
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
He's just full of em this year

dad: What's the etiquette for buttdialing?

me: You say "hello?" a few times, listen for a few seconds and if it is obvious it's not meant to be a call you hang up. Otherwise it's eavesdropping.

dad: If it happens on New Year's eve, is it called New Year's Eavesdropping?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tttruckit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I Had A Chance To Make THE Dad Joke (x/post from r/WeHaveConcerns)

I had a quintessential moment that I never thought would come...

My family and I were at church, and my son comes over and pokes at me to get my attention. I lean in close, and he says "I'm hungry."

My response? "Hello Hungry. I'm Dad, how are you?"

Needless to say, there were some folks who were unimpressed with us trying to stifle our laughter...or my pride that he thought it was funny. Got to start 'em young!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 44
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GeekmasterPrime
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
After my first child was born I went to have a drink with my father...

He said to me "Well son, now that you have a kid of your own, I think it's time to give you this".

"Dad, you don't mean the... ".

"Yes son", he interrupted, as he handed me the first five editions of '1001 Dad Jokes'.

With the tears welling in my eyes, and a lump in my throat, I said "Dad, I'm honoured!".

"Well hello Honoured, I'm Dad".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EdenC996
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I encountered a dad joke merely minutes into my day

My mom was waking me up so I asked her what time it was and she said it was about high noon, then from across the house I heard my dad call out "Hello Noon!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sinjidkiller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So my dad and I recently found out that the Daughter of Joseph Stalin lived nearby to us when my family moved in.

My dad suggested that we should have gone up to the house, climbed the steps, knocked on the door and asked:

"Hello, is Stalin?"

It still makes me sigh with disbelief that I never saw it coming.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DanCollier
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
All good days start with a dad joke

laying in my with my girlfriend, phone alarm goes off, hit snooze, we wake up gradually anyways, start milling about the room, snooze goes off

GF: Who's calling?

pick up phone, put it to my ear

Me: Hello, alarm? Yes, this is James. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS CALL ME EVERY MORNING?!?!?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Only1nDreams
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My neighbour got me with this one today while waiting for the elevator

So, as soon as I heard this I knew I had to share it with /r/dadjokes...

We both enter the building at the same time, I'm just behind my neighbour in the doorway and he gets a little startled as I grab the door to let him through. He says to me "Oh hello! I didn't see you there! How are you?" I respond with my simple "I'm well, and yourself?" out of courtesy of course. This is when he starts telling me about his dream.

"Oh, I'm just terrible, I had a horrible dream last night"

My response: "oh no..."

"I dreamt I was a muffler."

"A muffler?"

"I woke up exhausted."

I had not choice but to laugh and think of one of my fondest subreddits...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
[Request] Need dad-quality puns!

Hello fathers and fellow lovers of dadjokes! I am in need of your collective wit. You see, my friends did not get the hint that it was a bad idea to do this last time, and yet have foolishly asked me to house sit for them again. I've decided to prank them again (because I'm a wonderful friend), and this time I am turning their house into a house of puns. I need puns I can practically make. Here are a couple examples:

"While you guys were out I think your milk went bad..." draw on milk carton a bandanna, scruff, and a gun tucked into its logo

Move any of their jars in front of their bedroom door.

A map starting from their router.

Things like that. They have a pool, two labs, but otherwise have a pretty standard living arrangement. However, I don't want to mess with their computers as their occupations have some sensitive materials on them.

I struggled with what sub to reach out too with this post, so thank you all who reddit. You're fantastic folk, the lot of you!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ser_Capelli
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Egalitarian Punctuation

I work in IT at a university, and I was requested to update a template email my office sends out to prospective students. Whenever I start an email, I always begin with the salutation "Hello [student name]. With a full stop period.

Among the other changes requested, folk wanted me to change the period to a comma, because it "looks better" or something. I don't know.

After a bit of back and forth, I gave in and said "Fine. I'll give in to your filthy comma-unist ways." Many groans were had all around the office.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/crepusculi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 04 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The running jokes..

For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.

(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."

It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.

Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends.."

The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."

There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rentz3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad just "dad joked" my school secretary so hard.

So I was going to go home sick and they need to talk to a parent to make sure it's ok(even though I'm 18 which is dumb.) so I get my dad on the phone and here's what happened.

Secretary: "hello this is dad?"

My dad: "Hi dad this is Joe."

Me and the secretary died laughing and I had to assure her that my dad isn't usually that dumb.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ABomblessArab
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad joked a guy passing out bibles this weekend...

Walked by one of those guys who's preaching on the street side and passing out bibles to anyone he can.

.

Bible-Dude: Hello sir, would you like a New Testament?

Me: Oh, no thank you, I have an old one at home that works just fine.

.

My wife groaned in appreciation, but Bible-Dude didn't see the humor in it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/justgrant2009
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Awful form dad...

My Dad has thrown me some pretty good/bad dad jokes in his time... but yesterday he sat me down on the couch and started telling me about a frog who couldn't get a loan from the bank. He looked really concerned and it went something like this...

"... so this frog really just wants a loan, and decides to try one last time. He walks up to the teller, a Mrs Patricia Wak. P.W: Hello sir what can I do for you? F: I'm just after a $30,000 loan. Can you help P.W: Wow, that's a really large loan. What collateral do you have? F: Just this little toy elephant (pulls out from pocket) P.W: I'm afraid that's not going to secure the loan, sir. Do you have anything else? F: No P.W: Well them I'm afraid we can't help you

And the frog starts to well up and cry, he starts howling inconsolably and is an absolute mess F: You don't understand! I need this loan! Please, my name is Froggy Jagger. I come from a long line of Jaggers, my father Mick is good for the money now please help me! P.W: I'm sorry but a little toy elephant is never going to secure you... F: I want to see a manager!!

So Patricia Wak goes and gets her manager, and the frog tells the man about his need for a $30,000 loan. The manager agrees and pulls Patricia aside to explain why...

P.W: I don't understand this guy, what's the deal with the little elephant? M: It's a knick-knack, Patty Wak! Give the frog a loan! His old man's a rolling stone!

Dad then proceeded to slap his knee and laugh wildly while I stood up and walked away.

(I think this joke makes a lot more sense if you're an Australian...)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/siqsadworld
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad Phone Joke

Whenever my mom calls on the phone she introduces herself by saying "Hi, it's me." My dad has never failed to respond, "Oh, hello Me."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/morzaj
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.