I'm at a bar on Halloween and one of the bar tenders it's wearing a hardhat, coveralls, and goggles...

I ponted at him and shouted "he can't be here, he's a miner!" My friend acctually covered his face in shame.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PolarBear89
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
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Mississippi is just "Misisipi" through beer goggles.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.

I have contacts.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OliPark
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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why don't fish wear eyeglasses?

because they don't have ears

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/relayrider
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Not a huge fan, to be honest.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fiveminded
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
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I'm going to open up a store that only sells two bed covers and two snorkels.

Just four sheets and goggles.

EDIT: from https://jokeriot.com

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/keithasaurus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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Aquaman wasn't a good experience for me.

I forgot to bring my swimming goggles.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sagarkaniche
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DontFuckWithMyMoney
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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