got both my teenager boys with this 1, 1 day apart (1 over text, 1 in person)
Me: did you bring a keedoo??
Son: what's a keedoo?
Me: opens doors.
They usually see these coming a mile away, quite an accomplishment to get both of em with an original (I'm sure this has been made up before, but I haven't heard it, oc created dad joke)
My 1 year old daughter was eating couscous the other day and she was making a mess.
I told my wife it was very un-couthcouth.
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - $1 each.
I thought to myself “these should be free of charge”.
Just read about Jon Bon Jovi's strict diet where he only eats 1 piece of fruit a day...
I always wondered how Wonder woman travelled from Themyscira to London in 1 day...
I then realized she's an amazon, so she gets next day shipping
I saw a radio the other day on sale for $1. It had a note stuck on it saying, “Volume stuck on full”
I though, “I can’t turn that down”
Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?
Classroom pun day, week 1
My day is full of conference calls, collaborations, and 1-on-1s. I wish they would all just go away...
...but then my life would be meetingless.
Don't bother reading that "ultimate" workout blog. "You won't believe" their advice is just to walk 1,000 meters a day.
So, the other day I got into a fight with 1,3,5,7 and 9.
On Saturday, my son confronted me about why I spend time with him on only 1 day of the week, but I spend time with his sister every other day. I told him that I would take him to the movies tomorrow, and he asked if it was 'just because he asked'.
I told him, 'no, because it's Son Day'.
1 boy was named trouble and the other was called shutup. One day trouble got lost so shutup went to the police station and said ‘I lost my brother’. The police said ‘what is your name’ ‘shutup’ the police said ‘what did you say to me’ ‘shutup’. The police said ‘are you looking for trouble’ ‘yep’
I was walking through town with my wife one day when she pointed out a man dressed like a tree selling $1 hard-boiled eggs,
She said "What's he doing? Is this normal??? It isn't even Easter".
I said "Oh him? That's Egg-Sell-Ent"
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote “Ant” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
My pun of the day #1
You hear about that guy who died during his comedy set? I guess he joked to death.
The other day during dinner, my 9 year old son said, "did you know there are some numbers that can only be divided by themselves and 1? Like 43."
I responded, "that is a prime example."
The other day my favourite formula 1 driver asked me if I needed a lift
I said "No thanks I'm grand, but thanks verstappen"
It's Ash Wednesday today. (Sorry i couldn't resist, and i live 1 day in advance due to timezone difference)
Back in the day I could get all this and more for $1.50
"Back in the day I could go to the store and get a gallon of milk, dozen eggs, cold cuts and a slice of cake with a $1.50 in my pocket"
"But then again, there were not nearly as many security cameras"
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day.
And the box said 2-4 years.
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